Is time on my side?

At the beginning of our pregnancy, time wouldn't go fast enough. There were always things to look forward to: the first ultrasound, surviving the first trimester, finding out the gender, first movements to be felt, and the baby shower. These important events could not come quickly enough for us.

Well, we have hit all those landmarks, and the baby shower is this weekend. Now, with only 15 more weeks until we meet our baby boy, the next thing to look forward to is the maternity photo shoot, setting up the nursery, and finally, having the baby.

To be quite honest, I am terrified to go from two to three in our family. Pat and I work quite well with just the two of us. Our communication skills are impeccable and we have a lot of the same goals and ideas about what we want our life to be.

About 8 months ago we decided that path we wanted to travel down was the path of parents. But now, with our due date sneaking up on us, I am trying to slow things down a little. I want to savor every last moment I have where it is just me and him. Where we have time to look into each others eyes in bed on weekend mornings. Where we stay up late and watch Harry Potter until we fall asleep on the couch. Where we have no other responsibility but ourselves. (and of course all of Pat's to-do lists).

Will we remember what these moments feel like?

These next 15 weeks are going to fly by. These upcoming days, along with prepping for our little guy, Pat and I are going to refocus on us because we are the core of this family. We need to ensure our strength in our relationship will remain strong enough to support the addition of one! (I am confident it is).

Here I am at 25 weeks in my autumnal garb.

 

Currently

Craving: Cinnamon Rolls

Avoiding: Raw bell peppers and raw onions

Ailments: Heartburn & migraines

Sleep: Not much

Weight: 135 (still)

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Feeling our wee one move with excitement when he hears Pat arrive home.

Least favorite thing: Not being able to sleep through the night because of the constant night time bathroom trips, and difficulty rolling over.

A Changing Body

I remember at one point in my life saying "I can't wait to be pregnant and have that giant belly!" and "Pregnancy is beautiful." Well, insert foot in mouth. I don't think I am physically cut out for this pregnancy thing, and truthfully, I don't think I have been any uglier.When we got pregnant I weighed 120. The addition of this mis-proportioned weight is really starting to take its toll on my body and therefore zapping me of all energy.

Please don't mistake me. I am very excited about meeting our baby boy and I am thrilled with everything our future holds... even the teenage years. And I DO love feeling him move around inside me. In fact, I can't wait for when he will do it more regularly... however, I am sure I will be eating those words as well.

Last week my back pain was nearly unbearable. My pelvis and back were not in line I am sure of it. My pelvis was more like in my hip and the pain in my hips made me long for a girdle, just to put things back in place, for an hour, that's all I ask. I wear my chacos as much as I can because they have GREAT arch support. I slip them on while cooking and if I have to run errands. But, people in AZ don't realize how AWESOME they are, so I reserve wearing them for myself only. Usually.

Pictured with Big Toe Straps tucked under socks... that is even too much for me. Yikes. 

As for my belly, I do like that. (Minus the addition of the dark hair that has taken over my "happy trail"). I don't have to worry about my shirt being too tight and showing that I just had a large lunch. No, I get to look like that all day... and I get to relax. No more sucking in! I just didn't realize that my uterus itself would be so uncomfortable. Anytime I move a direction it doesn't like, or stand up too quickly, I feel like my insides are tearing into pieces. Ligament pains I am told.

Sorry for the REALLY bad cell pic. Really bad. 

And today, today I came home sick with some stomach thing that has been going on for 2 days now. The fear of things affecting our baby consumes me. This whole listeria thing REALLY freaks me out. Now that my stomach has been icky, and my body is achy, I have to think back to everything I have eaten and if I went out of the "Safe Foods" zone. Thank goodness I haven't.

I am still waiting for that "great hair" everyone talks about that happens during pregnancy. My hair is the worst it has ever been. Maybe it is the opposite with me. It is heavy and blah. All I can do with it is wear it wet on the way to work, pray the AZ heat zaps it of all its moisture before arriving at the office, and then put it in a top knot or French-braid by the end of the day. I am not exaggerating here... it is really bad. I have actually considered wearing my blonde Halloween wig that I pulled out of the closet last week. Also, I do not wear make-up anymore. I have barely enough energy to swing my legs out of bed in the morning and put my contacts in. Make-up is just 1 step too far during the week. I always promised myself I would never French-braid my hair and not wear make-up while pregnant. I promised myself that looking good would still be a priority. Well, here I am people... full of lies.

My yabos are definitely getting bigger, and for a girl with too big of yabos as it is, I am starting to get the upper back pain. I am finally accepting the fact that I need to get a bigger bra. But then there is that challenge. I REALLY hate bra shopping. Nothing makes me crankier. So. I decided not to bra shop and just pick 2 bras up on Zulily, my new favorite place to shop, from my couch. From everything I have read, "they" say to forgo regular "fashion" bras and go on ahead and get the nursing bras. So, that is what I did. In all truth, these bras have more lace on them than my current ones. (is this concerning to anyone else?) I have also read that my rib cage is going to expand 2"+ during my pregnancy, so I went 1 size up all together. If they don't work, well... I will staple them until they do. Because they will work.

My rump seems to be growing too, but not in a good way, not in the perky young butt way. I seem to be getting that "mom-butt" thing... but I get I am in "mom" territory now. I just need to start wearing the Levis 550s and I will be looking mighty sexay. My thighs are following suit. It's all one nice saddle bag package.
I have only gained about 15 lbs. Let's see where the rest of the weight is going to go in the next 3 months and how I will feel then.

I should say that is my perspective on my changing body. Pat sees a completely different image. He looks like there is light from heaven shining on my growing belly every time he sees it. Every morning he asks if it has grown and how IT is doing. He is mystified by the belly and doesn't seem to notice any other strange bumps that are starting to form on my behind body. And that is why he is a great husband. I can be ugly as sin and he would still say that my elbows look lovely. Or something along those lines.

Fall Fall Fall

I know it is cliche to blog about fall. In fact, I think it is now cliche to say it is cliche. How does one keep up?
When I lived in Idaho, my favorite season was summer. Also, I was in school the whole time I lived in Idaho. Summer meant family rafting trips and sleeping in. Now, summer is a scalding hell. But that is Arizona for you.
We are finally coming to an end of our indoor season. The last 2 summers we spent the days in the pool drinking and drinking and playing silly pool games, like handstand contests and diving for coins. Summer was like a permanent vacation... as long as we were in the pool. This summer I tried to play in the pool. But there is only so much fun to be had on my pool toys without an adult beverage in hand.  The sun just felt hot and I wasn't up for the sun damage. (My liver is thanking this baby). My growing belly made my bikini bottoms fit strangely and frankly I am not a skinny dipper.

Now that September is upon us, and the Weather channel claims we are out of the 100 degree weather it is time to start sipping on Pumpkin Spice Lattes from Starbucks and burning Harvest Candles.

Tonight my sister sent me a Tweet about the delicious Apple Cider tea she had made for the evening and how it makes her think of me. This year she is getting a real fall as she has moved back to our beloved home state. Leaves will change for her, crisp mornings will welcome her for her morning runs, and socks will be calling her name. This is the first year I haven't started in on my fall kick with her. This time of year, usually meant craft time and coffee talk for the two of us. She is usually the one to hold me back from decorating too early, which I am prone to do. But, it is practically mid-September and I will be pulling out my boxes marked "Fall" and changing the look of the house this weekend.
This also means the holiday season will be upon us in no time and I need to start prepping. I don't know what kind of mood or condition I will be in as the weeks continue to pass.

We are at 22.5 weeks tomorrow. My how time is flying.

2 Weeks Ago

I have a tough time sleeping. Apparently it is difficult to sleep when you are pregnant, given the constant peeing in the middle of the night, the inability to get comfortable, snoring dog and husband, etc... Strangely I have found that it is easier to wake up in the morning, however. Now, that doesn't mean that I function any better during the day, it just means I had enough time to put make up on in the morning, maybe do something a little more than a French-braid with my hair.

But, that is just the beginning of it. We bought a new-to-us 4 Runner from a guy on Craig's List. It was the best deal we had found. So, Pat and I jumped in my sweet ride to check this rig out. I stayed in my car because I don't trust people who sell things on Craig's List. Ever heard of the Craig's List Murderer??? Anywho, this is a decision I regret because after Pat drove it around, tested out the 4 Wheel Drive and windows, he gave the guy some moola and we were on our way.

When we got home I took it for a little test drive myself. It runs just fine! Then I was slapped in the face by a funk. The kind of funk that is only one thing... Cat Spray. Immediately Pat and I stripped our stank-ass clothes off and bathed. Then we took a whole tub of Clorox Wipes and wiped down all the hard surfaces (I gave up after a few minutes 'cause it was too hot for my pregnant ass).

I got onto Pinterest where I had read something about deodorizing a mattress. Here. Now, please know this was FULLY a temporary solution. We bought new seats for the 4 Runner last week. So I mixed together baking soda and lavender oil and dumped it all over the driver seat. That is where the worst of it was.

I think, had I gotten out to check out the car, I might have put the kabosh on buying the car. There are just some stanks that shouldn't be messed with. Cat spray being one of them.

Naturally, we started a load of laundry to wash our stinky cat-pee clothes and then started to get ready to go out for a bite. Pat was working on printing out the temporary license plate while I was putting my shoes on. As I walked back to the office to see if he was ready to go, I discovered a pool of water in the hallway. I yelled for Pat, who came splashing out of the office and nearly slipped and fell to his ultimate demise. He quickly shut off the washing machine, yelling profanities all the while.
40 towels and an hour later, we left the house. Pat deserved a beer.

After a great, stress relieving dinner, we returned home and Pat finally was able to tape his temporary license plate to the back window of the stink-mobile and I was giving the dog some water. That is when I noticed CJ playing with something black and slithery on the tile. At first glance I thought it was a worm. No. It wasn't a worm. It was a baby snake. I screamed several times, but Pat was outside. I flailed my arms around and ran out the front door, fearing for a moment that since I had taken my eyes off the serpent it would surely make its way into my bed. I yelled out the front door to Pat about the emergency- flailing my arms all the while. He came in, pushed CJ out of the way (which she was none-too-happy about) and stomped on the snake over and over and over and over. Then he picked it up and put it in the garbage disposal.

This is not at all what I expected him to do. Please note that this snake really was the size of a tiny worm... not even big enough to be fish bait. But, apparently, Pat hates snakes, and I am apparently newly terrified of them. They are second to scorpions, which are really like alien creatures. Anyhow, I was still shocked at his stomping. I thought he would pick it up with a tissue or something and put it outside. But, surely it would find its way back in.

Let's move on. This is giving me the willies.

At 9:00 pm that night Pat said I was out of emergency yells. Why am I always the one who discovers them???

With all this happening, I had to ask Pat if he had done anything bad to make the karmic beating justifiable. Neither of us can think of anything. So, I have decided we must smudge the house! Now to find a sage smudge stick in the East Valley. Anyone know of a place?

I am so grateful to have Pat as my husband. A guy who isn't afraid of hard work, a challenge or a little snake stomping. I have been hit hard with allergies this month and have been really low on motivation/energy. Oh, also, I am growing a baby inside of me. That takes some effort too. Pat really has to take on the brunt of all the heavy lifting here. He has to be motivated when all I want to do is lay on the couch. I give him a gold star for all he does.

Our Blue Moon Baby

I am not really sure if it was the full moon, the Blue Moon, or the music, but something got into our little one last night. Pat and I went to bed extra early because we haven't been feeling caught up on our sleep. Well, let's face it, I never do. I would sleep for 12+ hours a night if I could.We crawled into bed around 8:30 pm and started listening to some tunes on YouTube. With my iPad resting in my lap we checked out this gal, Beach House, that my bff told me about earlier in the evening.

Which then led us to rocking out a little to one of Pat's favorites, The Lumineers: Stubborn Love 

And Ho Hey

At that point, our little guy started moving and groovin' right along with the beats of the song. It was the first time we could visibly see my stomach moving. I was laughing so hard at the strangeness of it all. It was like he was doing DDR in the womb! Finally I simmered down and just watched our baby do his thing.

I hope he comes out liking music as much as he appears to right now.

It was a great way to spend the first night of our long labor day weekend. 


Also, in the "Stubborn Love" vid, at 1:08 - I am thinking of chopping my hair that short... giving it a month to decide for sure. Thoughts? Feelings?

Oh Boy!

We are having a little boy!
We found out on Tuesday afternoon. Initially the ultrasound tech wasn't 100%, but then the little guy started moving and flipping around. Then there was the proof!
I just stared at the screen, dumbfounded, with a smile on my face. A huge smile on my face. Pat was my mirror image. Pat immediately thought about buying baseball mitts and golf clubs for our little boy.

Earlier that morning Pat was walking around in his pjs with bed head. At that moment I thought to myself, "I hope we have a boy." I would love to see the two of them... hair sticking up and sleepy eyes eating cereal.

It is nice to know that our little one is a boy. I feel like knowing the gender has created more of a connection between us and the baby, being able to call him by his name. If I am being honest... initially, it was difficult to create a connection with our baby. Fear had gotten the best of us in the early stages. We couldn't bare to have our hearts broken again by a loss.

But now is the time to make our connection! He can hear us now. He is moving like crazy and making sure that we know it! Pat and I are growing closer together every day and constantly talking about the baby and the size of my growing belly. Pat has felt the kicks through my belly and I am trying to savor every moment of sharing my body with our child and remember everything I am feeling.

On that note: My ring finger is rejecting my wedding rings. This is apparently a common occurrence in pregnancy, allergies to metal. I have a red ring around my finger now that feels like a burn. So, I walked around ringless for a day and I felt naked for the whole time So today I dug out an old ring that my old college roommate and I bought in hopes to thwart off boys. (Ya, we were real lookers in college). The size of the ring was absolutely ridiculous, but it made me feel a little less nude.
I am hoping this reaction to gold doesn't stick around for the whole pregnancy, or after.

A Confounded Miracle

DISCLAIMER- PARENTS, GUYS and SENSITIVE FOLK- This may be a little more graphic than you would like. Please don't read on if you don't want to know about girl stuff.

I don't know if you have done the math or not, but, spoiler alert, this baby was conceived less than a week after we lost our first. (Don't worry, I won't get into the details of it.) Truly, I started to worry about the possibility of being pregnant again after I hadn't started my period for 6 weeks after the loss. I didn't think it was REALLY possible to have gotten pregnant that quickly. But, I remember what my Dr. said, "It would confound things, but it is possible."
Typically, the doctors and the internet tell you to wait for a month, maybe two after your first normal period before you start trying again. Pat and I thought we would even wait longer than that. We weren't sure that we were ready to try again, and in the worse case scenario, lose again. Pat was just starting school and life seemed to be getting a little hectic for us. Would we have time for a baby? Best to wait, we thought.
On Thursday, May 10th at 2 pm I called the nurse's line at my Doctor's office to let them know I hadn't started my period yet. I was a little crampy, (but I don't believe in cramps as a sign of a period anymore. That means your ass is pregnant!) It had been 6 weeks and it should have started by then. The first thing the nurse asks me is "Have you had unprotected sex?" I lied straight through my teeth! It was just that one time... and it was so soon after, I couldn't have been ovulating. She will never know about it."If it doesn't start in the next week, come in and we will have to jump start it." I agreed. I still don't know what it means to "jump start it." Besides, I knew at that moment it wouldn't have to come to that. I was knocked up.
I called Pat on my way home from an unproductive day of work and told him I needed to take a pregnancy test. Much like the first, he said to wait a few days. Ladies, if you think you should take a test, take it. You are probably right. I got home, dug under my bathroom sink to find my last pregnancy test. Pat wasn't home yet... but there was no waiting. I had to know, and I had to know right then. It didn't take 2 seconds to show that it was positive. I snorted out of my nose in disbelief.
Just then I heard the garage door open. Then I heard voices. Pat was talking to the neighbor. I nonchalantly went out to say "hello" and when the conversation was done, told Pat I needed to show him something. I lead him into our bathroom and showed him the stick. He looked at the directions again, making sure to decode the symbols correctly.
We sat and talked about it, trying to disprove the test. I thought maybe it was just hCG left in my body from our first. But I knew that wasn't the case. I had just gotten the phone call telling me it was negative past zero.
I still waited a week before making a doctor's appointment. May 21st I went to a new doctor's office and sure enough... I was pregnant again. No missed period date to go by... we were confounded indeed. We assumed I was about 4 weeks pregnant.
They took my blood to check my hCG levels again. I received a phone call later that day with the test results. The Nurse Practitioner was worried because the levels seemed very high for just being 4 weeks pregnant at 15,300. The Nurse said it could be one of two things, twins or a molar pregnancy. I needed to get in for an ultrasound as soon as possible. I made an appointment for that Thursday. It was the soonest I could get into the imaging center.
For nearly two days I sat and stewed on the fact that we were either having twins or I was going to have to go through a loss all over again with a molar pregnancy. I did the research, molar pregnancies are incredibly rare. I think the statistic is 1 in 1000 pregnancies are molar, but that was all I could think about. Grapes in my uterus.
That Thursday, with a WAY too full bladder I got up on the ultrasound bed and the tech couldn't find anything. My heart was racing and sinking, I had been here before, but I needed to keep my hopes up. The tech told me to empty my bladder, then empty it again. Her awesome attitude made this stressful moment a little easier. When I returned we had to look from the inside. She was quiet and didn't say much while she was peeking around my insides. Then, finally, breaking the rules of Ultrasound Techs everywhere, she turned the screen towards me and pointed to it. There it was. One little fluttering heartbeat. Just one. And it was perfect. I didn't cry like I thought I was going to. I just laid there, relieved.
The tech printed me two pictures and sent me on my way. I called Pat, and we both sat on the phone, relieved. Then shocked. Then nervous. It was hard to be excited at this point. The feeling we kept coming back to was relief.      
The ultrasound came back saying we were 6 or 7 weeks pregnant. That is why the hCG levels seemed so high. They were right on par with where they should be. The baby had a heartbeat and things seemed to be progressing just fine.
Fast forward to 18 almost 19 weeks pregnant. Everything is going great so far. We have already felt the baby move. In fact, I felt it with my hand today! This is a tough little bugger inside of me. And I am so thankful for that.

3.5 more days until we find out if it is a boy or a girl!