Monday, June 29, 2015


I don't really discipline my son. We explain consequences, and he does get the occasional time out if he hits, but it is really more of a break from the situation that is frustrating him. Truth be told, I have a really great kid. He tests his boundaries and tries my patience, but I really don't discipline him. Today I did.

Bear loves trains. Bear loves to crash his trains. I don't mind that he does this. They are his to do what he likes with. If they break, I will try to fix them. If I can't fix them, well, that's what happens when toy trains are crashed over and over and over.

I was running late this morning, as I often am. I was scooting my boy out the door when he decided to grab a train and some train tracks to take to daycare. He has been doing this on the regular lately so I just said, "Okay, grab Porter and then we will get into Mommy's car." As soon as we were out the door, my little guy plopped onto the sidewalk to play with his train and track in the yard. Okay. Whatever. I will get the thousands of bags that I frequently haul around with me into the car and come back for the boy and his toys.

As I was wrangling him up, he lobbed his favorite train, Porter, into the lantana bush. These bushes are thriving this summer, and I think the heat has warped them into another desert dwelling plant with thistles and thorns. I rescued Porter, teeny irritating scratches as my payment, and strapped the boy into the car.

We got to daycare, the sippy cup I had packed leaked all over my seat and the diaper bag. I was quite frustrated - and it was already a piping 98 degrees outside. This is not helping the already hectic morning. Bear was unstrapped and ran up the steps to daycare. That was easier than normal I thought to myself. My little guy must have sensed this because then he thought it would be fun to throw Porter into another, less friendly bush that sits right against the daycare house. That's it. Porter was lost. Forever. That was the end of my rope for the morning.

I bent to be on his level, eye to eye, holding firmly onto Bear's arm and said, "That is NO! We DO NOT throw our trains into bushes. Porter is gone. We can't get him back."

Then the lip came out. And the tears. I held onto his arm and directed him toward the door. He lost it. By the time we walked in the door, my anger subsided and was immediately replaced with guilt. Guilt that I had lost my cool with him. I should have bent down and explained it to him, but instead I was stern - meanwhile, he just lost his favorite train for good, because he is still learning about cause and effect. Me being mad didn't and won't help his sadness.

He did fine for the remainder of the day. They played trains all day at daycare - which is generally not the case. But the second we walked outside, he walked over to the bush looking for Porter. I searched the area I could reach, but to no avail. Porter really is gone. Bear will forget eventually. But it was a good lesson for me. He is learning and so am I.

Nesting without a home

Perhaps another thing that has called be back to this space is the inability to nest. I have nowhere to nest at this point. If anything, I would like to use this urge to clean and pack, but my body has major limits as to what I can do this time around. Chasing my toddler is about the most I can do physically, and even that can put me horizontal for the evening.

I don't remember the nesting tendencies hitting me this hard with my first pregnancy, but that could be because I was able to do it. I was able to create a nursery. I was able to wash baby clothes and create a space to bring my baby boy home.

Currently, I have a void.

I am longing to do all sorts of things. I want to craft. I want to crochet. I want to bake - ya, I said it. Me. Bake. What??? I told my Mister tonight that I wanted to take a baking class so I could be better at rolling out dough. *Self discovery - I don't tackle many baking projects because of the rolling of dough issue.

It doesn't look like I will be nesting in a permanent location any time soon either. We have one house to see tomorrow, and if that doesn't pan out well, we will start looking at short term rentals. I have come to terms with this and will still make this temporary house a home for all my guys,

Meanwhile, I will be on Pinterest pinning EVERY pin that has to do with living rooms and bathrooms. See you there!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Blogging as a release.

Sometimes life is so great. Sometimes everything seems so put together and easy. Sometimes I think, man, we really have the hang of this. We should have another baby and see what happens! We should sell our house in the middle of summer while I am 7 months pregnant too.

Oh wait, we can't find a house? Oh what? Work is super crazy and I need to work 50+ hours a week and maybe even travel? Oh, we can't find a house to buy and our house sold the day we listed it and we might be homeless with a toddler???

Ya - this is my life right now. It has gotten so insane that I have had to spend several days in bed (not consecutively thank god) due to Braxton-Hicks contractions. My body and mind cannot handle the stress. I haven't blogged in over a year or so it seems - truly I would have to look to even remember, but I need an outlet to put some of this. I don't have time to see a counselor or even go to the freaking dentist. So I am putting down a few words here - just to have a little release.

Side note - I am going to the dentist next week. Oral health is very important.