Thursday, July 2, 2015

Needing a rest

You know that scene in the movies where an over worked mom disappears from her family and sleeps in a hotel, wakes up and calls the front desk only to learn she has been sleeping for like 10 days. Ya. I need that kind of rest. I worked from home today, and decided to take a short cat nap. I set my alarm for a half hour and crashed. HARD. I am still waking while typing this because I needed something to get my brain going.

I am working on recovering from this week. From this month.... from this year maybe. Yesterday was the hardest. It was an awful, no good, very bad day. The kind where even my sweet husband needed to step back and look at me. I lost control of my emotions. I lost control of my life. I hope to look back on yesterday and say how trivial it all was. That it wasn't as bad as it seemed.... but for now, I want to forget it. Sweep it under a rug and hope to never notice the bulge of the mess that I was yesterday.

Monday, June 29, 2015


I don't really discipline my son. We explain consequences, and he does get the occasional time out if he hits, but it is really more of a break from the situation that is frustrating him. Truth be told, I have a really great kid. He tests his boundaries and tries my patience, but I really don't discipline him. Today I did.

Bear loves trains. Bear loves to crash his trains. I don't mind that he does this. They are his to do what he likes with. If they break, I will try to fix them. If I can't fix them, well, that's what happens when toy trains are crashed over and over and over.

I was running late this morning, as I often am. I was scooting my boy out the door when he decided to grab a train and some train tracks to take to daycare. He has been doing this on the regular lately so I just said, "Okay, grab Porter and then we will get into Mommy's car." As soon as we were out the door, my little guy plopped onto the sidewalk to play with his train and track in the yard. Okay. Whatever. I will get the thousands of bags that I frequently haul around with me into the car and come back for the boy and his toys.

As I was wrangling him up, he lobbed his favorite train, Porter, into the lantana bush. These bushes are thriving this summer, and I think the heat has warped them into another desert dwelling plant with thistles and thorns. I rescued Porter, teeny irritating scratches as my payment, and strapped the boy into the car.

We got to daycare, the sippy cup I had packed leaked all over my seat and the diaper bag. I was quite frustrated - and it was already a piping 98 degrees outside. This is not helping the already hectic morning. Bear was unstrapped and ran up the steps to daycare. That was easier than normal I thought to myself. My little guy must have sensed this because then he thought it would be fun to throw Porter into another, less friendly bush that sits right against the daycare house. That's it. Porter was lost. Forever. That was the end of my rope for the morning.

I bent to be on his level, eye to eye, holding firmly onto Bear's arm and said, "That is NO! We DO NOT throw our trains into bushes. Porter is gone. We can't get him back."

Then the lip came out. And the tears. I held onto his arm and directed him toward the door. He lost it. By the time we walked in the door, my anger subsided and was immediately replaced with guilt. Guilt that I had lost my cool with him. I should have bent down and explained it to him, but instead I was stern - meanwhile, he just lost his favorite train for good, because he is still learning about cause and effect. Me being mad didn't and won't help his sadness.

He did fine for the remainder of the day. They played trains all day at daycare - which is generally not the case. But the second we walked outside, he walked over to the bush looking for Porter. I searched the area I could reach, but to no avail. Porter really is gone. Bear will forget eventually. But it was a good lesson for me. He is learning and so am I.

Nesting without a home

Perhaps another thing that has called be back to this space is the inability to nest. I have nowhere to nest at this point. If anything, I would like to use this urge to clean and pack, but my body has major limits as to what I can do this time around. Chasing my toddler is about the most I can do physically, and even that can put me horizontal for the evening.

I don't remember the nesting tendencies hitting me this hard with my first pregnancy, but that could be because I was able to do it. I was able to create a nursery. I was able to wash baby clothes and create a space to bring my baby boy home.

Currently, I have a void.

I am longing to do all sorts of things. I want to craft. I want to crochet. I want to bake - ya, I said it. Me. Bake. What??? I told my Mister tonight that I wanted to take a baking class so I could be better at rolling out dough. *Self discovery - I don't tackle many baking projects because of the rolling of dough issue.

It doesn't look like I will be nesting in a permanent location any time soon either. We have one house to see tomorrow, and if that doesn't pan out well, we will start looking at short term rentals. I have come to terms with this and will still make this temporary house a home for all my guys,

Meanwhile, I will be on Pinterest pinning EVERY pin that has to do with living rooms and bathrooms. See you there!

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Blogging as a release.

Sometimes life is so great. Sometimes everything seems so put together and easy. Sometimes I think, man, we really have the hang of this. We should have another baby and see what happens! We should sell our house in the middle of summer while I am 7 months pregnant too.

Oh wait, we can't find a house? Oh what? Work is super crazy and I need to work 50+ hours a week and maybe even travel? Oh, we can't find a house to buy and our house sold the day we listed it and we might be homeless with a toddler???

Ya - this is my life right now. It has gotten so insane that I have had to spend several days in bed (not consecutively thank god) due to Braxton-Hicks contractions. My body and mind cannot handle the stress. I haven't blogged in over a year or so it seems - truly I would have to look to even remember, but I need an outlet to put some of this. I don't have time to see a counselor or even go to the freaking dentist. So I am putting down a few words here - just to have a little release.

Side note - I am going to the dentist next week. Oral health is very important. 

Monday, February 16, 2015

Presidents Day 2015

It was just me and Bear this Monday holiday. I decided we should indulge in a slow morning, where I enjoyed my first cup of coffee in nine weeks, made us toast, twice, and stayed in our jammies until ten am. It was lovely.

With lunch and nap time encroaching, I thought it would be an adventure to hit a new (read: new to me) local nursery for some organic vegetable seeds. For a good twenty minutes Bear explored the nursery and his voice. He said "hi" to other patrons and  loved the fluorescent wind flowers. 

I decided it was time to get down to business, which meant wrangling my two  year old under my arm and locating the organic seed section. I also pulled my crumpled list of Arizona Gardening Guide out of my back pocket that tells me when I should plant seeds or transplants and what is appropriate for mid-February.

Well, between juggling the list and a cranky toddler, I grabbed what I could see that was on my list and headed for the cashier. Do subdue my boy, I pulled one of the fluorescent wind flowers out of a pot and handed it to him. It worked. For about 10 seconds. 

Anyway, fast forward to naptime, I was able to till up my raised garden and discovered a few happy surprises. During my first observation I saw carrot sprouts nowhere near where I had ever planted carrots before. My compost carrots had sprouted! Not sure how they will do, but I moved them to a new location to see how they progress. After that, I dug up the soil turning the old and exposed into new moist growing grounds. And there were worms! I didn't even know Arizona had worms! Worms are exceptional for gardens, they fertilize and airrate the soil! Needless to say, I'm pleased as punch. 

Today I planted tomato seeds, green onions, peas, and if one dares to count it, carrots! I have cantaloupe and watermelon seeds waiting for their debut, but I need to do a little more homework on how best to plant these apparently fragile vines. 

Now, we wait. 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

My New Thang

If you have read my previous posts about wanting to find a passion/hobby/activity - whathaveyou - you may be interested to know I have finally found my thang. I started working with leather. What started out as a mission to repurpose old belts into bracelets became a whole new gig. I now tool the leather myself and have been moving full speed ahead. I am constantly learning and improving and always, always looking for feedback!

It started with a gift from my neighbors Christmas 2013 - the Tandy Toolkit. I was completely new to the idea and decided to dive in head first. Very quickly I started accumulating new vintage tools from my father-in-law, visiting my local Tandy Store for new dyes and necessities and I made myself an Etsy Shop - Laidlaw & Smith Leather. Some of my leather cuffs can be found at The Brass Monkey Clothing store in Twin Falls, ID too! I am so grateful for the love from my hometown!

I have found such a great community on Instagram for leather workers and have found a lot of inspiration there too. It's very nice to find crafters who are supportive of each other and encourage and offer advice and tips. 

This Autumn I will be participating in the Phoenix Flea, November 29th and have a lot of work to do and a lot of products to create! I hope you will come down and visit me if you are in the area! If you are interested in anything I create, please drop me a note and I will do my best to accommodate your request. To stay updated on my current projects follow me on Instagram @laidlawandsmith or on my Flickr Account here.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Dining with a toddler

Today the fam and I hit a new hip restaurant for lunch. I’ve gone there a few times solo and have really enjoyed their vegetarian options. Although they don’t boast an organic menu, they do have healthier options for dining out, “pure clean food,” which is why I thought it would be a good choice for our family. 

The kids menu was only okay, heavy on the cheese – but there was a side of apples instead of French fries, so I ordered my Bear a grilled cheese and I had the mushroom flatbread (which I have had in the past and still love). Pat had the Chicken BLT. When our lunch was delivered to our table I was sorely disappointed in Bear’s kid meal. It was "grilled" white bread, doused in oil, and what appeared to be Kraft Singles (more oil) between each bleached slice. 

This is a common occurrence in eating out at restaurants for us. The “grown up” food is great! High quality ingredients! Then the kid’s food is subpar and cheap. I feel like I should know better by now. My little guy is certainly capable of eating anything we eat; I just look to the kid’s menu out of obedience, or looking for smaller portions so we aren’t wasteful. I have no one to blame but myself because I decide what goes in his body.

I really do love these little restaurants popping up. Locally owned shops that have character and the drive to succeed in a shitty economy, but man am I disappointed that their quality of food stops at 5 years old. I looked at the menu again to look for Mom & Bear approved items. Perhaps these will pop into your head when you are cringing at the “Chicken Nugget” choices on your favorite restaurant menu:

  • Hummus Plate
  • Sweet Potato Fries
  • Vegetable Wild Rice
  • Seasonal Fruit
  • Side of avocado

You may have to mix and match some items to get a meal for your kiddo, but you won’t have nightmares about what toxic ingredients you have allowed your child to ingest.