Thursday, September 6, 2012

2 Weeks Ago

I have a tough time sleeping. Apparently it is difficult to sleep when you are pregnant, given the constant peeing in the middle of the night, the inability to get comfortable, snoring dog and husband, etc... Strangely I have found that it is easier to wake up in the morning, however. Now, that doesn't mean that I function any better during the day, it just means I had enough time to put make up on in the morning, maybe do something a little more than a French-braid with my hair.

But, that is just the beginning of it. We bought a new-to-us 4 Runner from a guy on Craig's List. It was the best deal we had found. So, Pat and I jumped in my sweet ride to check this rig out. I stayed in my car because I don't trust people who sell things on Craig's List. Ever heard of the Craig's List Murderer??? Anywho, this is a decision I regret because after Pat drove it around, tested out the 4 Wheel Drive and windows, he gave the guy some moola and we were on our way.

When we got home I took it for a little test drive myself. It runs just fine! Then I was slapped in the face by a funk. The kind of funk that is only one thing... Cat Spray. Immediately Pat and I stripped our stank-ass clothes off and bathed. Then we took a whole tub of Clorox Wipes and wiped down all the hard surfaces (I gave up after a few minutes 'cause it was too hot for my pregnant ass).

I got onto Pinterest where I had read something about deodorizing a mattress. Here. Now, please know this was FULLY a temporary solution. We bought new seats for the 4 Runner last week. So I mixed together baking soda and lavender oil and dumped it all over the driver seat. That is where the worst of it was.

I think, had I gotten out to check out the car, I might have put the kabosh on buying the car. There are just some stanks that shouldn't be messed with. Cat spray being one of them.

Naturally, we started a load of laundry to wash our stinky cat-pee clothes and then started to get ready to go out for a bite. Pat was working on printing out the temporary license plate while I was putting my shoes on. As I walked back to the office to see if he was ready to go, I discovered a pool of water in the hallway. I yelled for Pat, who came splashing out of the office and nearly slipped and fell to his ultimate demise. He quickly shut off the washing machine, yelling profanities all the while.
40 towels and an hour later, we left the house. Pat deserved a beer.

After a great, stress relieving dinner, we returned home and Pat finally was able to tape his temporary license plate to the back window of the stink-mobile and I was giving the dog some water. That is when I noticed CJ playing with something black and slithery on the tile. At first glance I thought it was a worm. No. It wasn't a worm. It was a baby snake. I screamed several times, but Pat was outside. I flailed my arms around and ran out the front door, fearing for a moment that since I had taken my eyes off the serpent it would surely make its way into my bed. I yelled out the front door to Pat about the emergency- flailing my arms all the while. He came in, pushed CJ out of the way (which she was none-too-happy about) and stomped on the snake over and over and over and over. Then he picked it up and put it in the garbage disposal.

This is not at all what I expected him to do. Please note that this snake really was the size of a tiny worm... not even big enough to be fish bait. But, apparently, Pat hates snakes, and I am apparently newly terrified of them. They are second to scorpions, which are really like alien creatures. Anyhow, I was still shocked at his stomping. I thought he would pick it up with a tissue or something and put it outside. But, surely it would find its way back in.

Let's move on. This is giving me the willies.

At 9:00 pm that night Pat said I was out of emergency yells. Why am I always the one who discovers them???

With all this happening, I had to ask Pat if he had done anything bad to make the karmic beating justifiable. Neither of us can think of anything. So, I have decided we must smudge the house! Now to find a sage smudge stick in the East Valley. Anyone know of a place?

I am so grateful to have Pat as my husband. A guy who isn't afraid of hard work, a challenge or a little snake stomping. I have been hit hard with allergies this month and have been really low on motivation/energy. Oh, also, I am growing a baby inside of me. That takes some effort too. Pat really has to take on the brunt of all the heavy lifting here. He has to be motivated when all I want to do is lay on the couch. I give him a gold star for all he does.


Chanelle & Chantele said...

Oh dear - this is something sitcoms are made of. You need a weekend to recover from that weekend! p.s. You are on profanity watch mama Haire!

Emmy Kim said...

There were far worse swears I could have used when describing this weekend. I kept it PG... or PG-13... maybe it depends on the usage?

bri kim said...

Okay now that I have read this your tweets (or maybe it was fb post) about the lizard makes more sense. If you have not noticed.. I finally found your blog again! A link that works that is.

Emmy Kim said...

Yes, I am glad you have caught up with the inside jokes... inside to whom I don't know... Welcome back to blog land... how long will you be staying with us?