Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Unhealthy body image... An honest post

Every pregnant gal wonders if she will lose the weight after having the baby. All pregnant gals know that nursing helps you lose the baby weight. In fact, it burns about 650 calories to produce 25 oz of milk so nursing mothers are encouraged to eat at least 500 extra calories and then let the extra 150 come from the fat stores of pregnancy. 

It took me about 3 months to lose the pregnancy weight. At my 6 week check up, my doctor was concerned that I was losing weight too quickly and stressed to me that I needed to maintain my health to maintain my baby's. But, as new mothers know, it is hard to have time to eat regularly. Especially eat that extra 500 calories in a "healthy" way. Sure I could stuff my face with donuts and milkshakes and meet that quota easily, but that wouldn't do anyone any good. 

Bear is creeping up on 6 months and I am still losing weight. 10 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight

I know this is a problem.

This is a problem I have struggled with in the past. When I get stressed, I don't eat. My appetite just goes out the window.

My cheek bones start to protrude, and my pants sag. People tease me and call me "skinny mini." I start to get angry because this is a weight problem. I don't walk around calling people "fatty" or say, "You really look like you are putting on some pounds." Why do people feel it is appropriate to comment on my current state? I had a person tell me "You are really losing too much weight and are really starting to look tired and run down." 

I want to say "Piss off."

I don't.

I am doing everything I can do to provide for my son. I want to provide the best possible life for him. That includes nursing. I am doing everything I can to keep the weight on, and to gain weight. I drink Ensure (which is full of crap btw) I eat breakfast, fruit, granola bars, oatmeal, nuts and cheese for snacks. I even eat Wendy's on occasion for some additional fat to my diet. As a religious water drinker, I am now trying to drink more juice, I even add milk to my orange juice! I am trying to gain weight the healthy way, but I am not sure it is possible. 

People may say "I wish I had that problem." But I don't think anyone really does. It is terribly discouraging. I can't put on muscle or fat. I am afraid to work out because I don't want to burn more calories.

So now I try to hide my body. I am starting to hate my body. My legs are skin and bone and I hate for people to see them. So I wear baggy "boyfriend" jeans, maxi skirts. I wear cardigans to hide my boney shoulders...I know people can see through it though. My face is evidence enough of my current weight. It is just unhealthy all the way around. 

So, I am searching for tips. All the tips I have read online are to increase calorie consumption... and so I have.... anyone else have tips? That alone is not working. 
Additionally, I am eating a DQ Blizzard. Cookie dough and Oreo.

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