Getting back to our roots

On Tuesday Pat cancelled our DirecTV. After a moment of OMFG that was a knee-jerk reaction, I was really happy he did it. (Um, hello? Sister Wives Season Finale is coming up!?!?!?) 

Now, I don't plan to be the hipster who says, "Nah man, we don't have cable," and then go home to stream stuff on Hulu+. I totally plan on having Hulu+ and enjoying every minute of it. But what streaming vs cable provides is a consciousness in my TV time. I am not going to sit in front of HGTV to watch another House Hunters just because it's on. I have spent far too many evenings wasted in front of 60" of garbage. 

Not to mention the commercials that are not child friendly. As an adult, I think they are pretty clever. As a parent I think they are totally inappropriate. Have you see the one where the little boy asks his mom how the baby got in her belly? Well, I don't think that should be presented by an insurance agency. Just sayin'.

Anyway, when Pat and I first moved in together, we didn't have cable. We didn't have a visible TV at all. We spent most of our nights on our teeny tiny back porch drinking wine, playing dominoes, and talked about things that really mattered. We were productive and in-tune with one another. 

I am looking forward to that again. We both know we function better as a couple without the boob tube working its way in as the third wheel. 

Now we can focus more on our family, our house and our hobbies. And, we are saving an additional $70 a month. I'm not going to scoff at that! 

3 Months: Relationships...

In life you create relationships with people who already know themselves... at least for the most part. They know if they are night owls, or if they eat breakfast or just have a cup of coffee instead. They know if they prefer white bread or whole wheat. They have their own style, good or bad. They know their morals and what they stand for. When you create your relationship with them, they teach you these things  about themselves that are already established. That they, themselves, have established and selected for themselves. 

My son is not established. We are learning everything about him together. In this time of discovery, we both become so frustrated with one another, but also share in the moments of delight that seem to fill my heart so full tears stream from my eyes. He loves mornings and hates tummy time. He refuses pacifiers until he is lying in his crib. He thinks getting dressed is fun and loves to have his bum wiped. Kiss his feet and in return received the widest, gummiest smile you have ever seen! We didn't know all this 2 months ago.

2 months ago we were all frustrated. We were all crying. None of us slept through the night.

Now my boy sleeps from 6pm -12am, only waking to eat, then peacefully falls back to sleep until 3am. This began a week ago when he started sleeping in his crib. My heart broke. Not because we let him cry it out... or because he hated it. In fact, neither of those things happened. He took to it like a fish to water. My heart broke because he didn't need me next to him like I need him. 

The soft sound of his breath does not translate through the baby monitor. Only the cries that startle me awake and the occasional sleepy coo. I must accept that this is part of him establishing himself. He is already becoming more independent and exploratory and for that I should be excited. He is learning to trust himself, as well as us.

During the day he lays in his Pack'n Play and stares and bats at the little animals that hang above him and makes new sounds, exploring his own abilities. I ask him to repeat the squeaks and squeals of delight, to which he responds with his confused eyebrows and then goes about his baby business. 

As we learn about him together, I am trying so hard to remember every detail about our journey. The faces he makes, the pitch of his noises, what makes him happy, even the little warm tears that fall onto my arms occasionally. While we take this journey together, I hope that I am able to help him to establish himself into someone great - someone people can look to as a trusted friend, a giving man, and a motivated citizen of the world - someone I can be proud of, but most importantly, someone he is proud to be.

And I hope for him that when he is grown and creating relationships with others, that he knows exactly who he is, what he likes and how to share himself positively with others. I hope to look to him in my old age and think to myself, "I helped shape that man into who he is, and he is tremendous."

These 3 months have sped by, and yet I can hardly remember my life without him.