You see, I have this thing called anxiety. When I start focusing on an ailment, or a project/deadline, uncomfortable conversation or situation in the future I will obsess until I have a full-on anxiety attack.
Last week I had to have an ultra sound and an endoscopy because of stomach issues. I thought these were all created because of stress, just like when I was 19 and had the GERD, but *spoiler alert*, apparently I have a hiatal hernia. What is that you ask? It is where your stomach inches its way into your esophagus. It is totally gross and usually present in over-weight people, or old people. Well, obviously I am neither. But this could go back to one Dr’s theory that I have a 90-year-old body. Benjamin Buttons much? My super awesome GI Dr. also thinks it is possible I have gallbladder problems but we are waiting on that for now.
I digress. I was doing far too much thinking on these potential stomach issues and trying to avoid an anxiety attack at all costs simultaneously. This included not talking about it, to anyone. Any communication on the subject was short and to the point, usually via email or text. I went into my crab shell and distanced myself from everything I could to steer clear of my own thoughts. My parents were sending me concerned text messages because I REALLY wasn’t answering my phone and Pat was even beginning to feel very neglected. I watched TV much more than usual and distracted myself with my iPad at every other opportunity. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive to anyone, but I needed to be sensitive to myself.
I believe in this fast paced day and age we often forget to take care of ourselves. We are worried about our jobs, our blogs, our social networking and even our friends and family more than our mental well-being. I am not saying that these things aren’t important, because they absolutely are, however, personal sanity beats them out every time, or at least it should.
Thursday night before my endoscopy I was able to disappear in my craft room and get a little organization done in there. It has been a catchall since Christmas and was absolutely getting out of hand, much like my mind. It was amazing the weight that was lifted off my shoulders, just by having that time to spend on something I cared about and was solely my project, an area I use for my mental well-being.
Now that that is done, I am going to focus on my mental well-being through fitness. Nothing clears a mind like a good yoga class. The thing that has held me back from doing yoga is lack of a partner (and motivation if I am being honest), but I have finally decided I don’t need someone there to support me. That is the entire purpose of yoga right? Finding your inner peace and your inner strength.
So, in spite of my stomach pain, and the stress it caused me this year so far, I am grateful for the direction it has put me in. A little self reflection and priority redirection.
Namaste Y'all!
