Our Birth Story : He is here!

Note: This is a long post, and our pictures aren't the best because we didn't have the flash on in the hospital. 

During my entire pregnancy, Pat often slept on the couch. You see, he is a snorer. And this snoring would often wake me from my pleasant sleep (that I so rarely got because of trips to the bathroom etc...) so he would sleep on the couch and leave me to our queen size bed. Although I missed cuddling with him, it was a really nice thing for him to do.

At midnight on January 9, 2013 I woke up with some pretty strong contractions. I had been through this before, so I tried my best to go back to sleep, but continuing to wake up with each contraction as it got stronger. I still wasn't buying it though. It was at 2 am when I was fed up with trying to sleep through the pain. I walked out to the couch to see if Pat wanted to come to bed (which I frequently did because I didn't want to sleep alone). After he agreed to come to bed, I told him that I was having some pretty strong contractions. At that point we both decided to stay awake and time them... again. They were becoming more regular and stronger and I was having to focus to breath through them.

Because I was in false labor 2 weeks prior, a nurse gave me the number to the nurse's station at the hospital so we didn't have to wake Dr. Leonard. We called and they said they sounded like labor but to wait at home as long as possible. We stopped timing the contractions and tried to sleep some more. I laid in bed and stared at the lights reflecting off the pool onto our bedroom wall. It was strangely beautiful and peaceful.

I couldn't pretend to sleep anymore so Pat and I jumped into the shower and tried to relax. He held onto me and rubbed my back as each contraction hit me. It was more soothing than I thought. I could have stayed in there all day but I didn't want to stand up anymore though. I bath may have been a better choice. 

After the shower, I thought we should head to the hospital, and by this time it was 8 am. Pat packed up the car, a grabbed my physio ball and we were on our way again. Pat was dying to text everyone, but I told him to hold off until we knew if we were admitted or not. I didn't want to be setting up false hopes for everyone else. We talked and laughed all the way to the hospital and made up stories about the two cab drivers who appeared to be arguing through their windows at a stop light. We weren't in a rush, which made things much calmer than one sees in the movies. 

We found a parking spot fairly close to the door but it also felt nice to walk. Half way to the door, a contraction hit and Pat just held and hugged me until it passed. We checked in at the ER and were taken up to triage. Pat's excitement was too much and he had to text our family to let them know what was going on. 

After I was hooked up to all the monitors, the contractions became less regular. Deja vu. But, my blood pressure was high enough for the nurse to call my doctor. He requested they do blood work on me and test a urine sample. The fear of preeclampsia from the day before was rearing its ugly head again. The nurse checked me in the mean time and I had dilated to 3 cm which was 2 more than I was the day before. These contractions were actually doing something! The nurse told us that my doctor wanted to induce with pitocin. My heart dropped. I DID NOT want to be induced. This was certainly not in my birth plan. I asked her if we could do the "bulb thing." She said we are already past that point. She also said the gels were not an option because my doctor was too conservative. (I think she did not like him).

The nurse seemed to have little patience for these tests, wanting to induce me and my doctor. She wanted to send me home. But my doctor was adamant and worried. He stopped by the triage "room" (read: uncomfortable bed with curtain around it and no privacy) and I have never felt such relief. He looked at my contractions and said they were becoming more regular again. He said he would give me an hour to see if I would progress on my own. If not, they would administer the pitocin. "I am keeping you here. You are having the baby today." 

Excitement and terror swept through my body. I have read too many birth stories about induced labor. I knew this was going to hurt. We were moved into our roomy and private room in Labor and Delivery. I willed my body to do it on its own. I tried to relax and meditate through each contraction because I knew if I did that, my body could do what it needed to do. I should have taken some damn hypno-birthing classes! I didn't progress. Our new L & D nurse started to put my IV in in my right arm. Holy shit it hurt! Then she blew the vein and had to do the same in my left arm. (The bruises have just now disappeared 3 weeks later). The pitocin started into my veins. 

We talked to the new nurse about our doctor and she told us how much she liked him. She told us of a few birth stories that he delivered, which made me more sure of our choice to have him as our doctor. I also told her about my fear of this labor going all wrong and that I would have to have a C-Section. She shook her head and said everything is on track and I needn't worry about that at all. Pat and I both felt relieved hearing her say that. 

The contractions became unbearable. I was required to lay on my left side because the baby's heart rate went down when I was on my back. This seemed to make the contractions worse. The bed railings took the brunt of my pain. I squeezed them for dear life and could not seem to breath through anything. Pat did all he could and held my hand between contractions. I couldn't comfortably hold his hand during the contractions because of all my tubes hooked into my arm.

The nurse checked me about 30 minutes after the pitocin was in my veins and I had dilated another cm. It was progress, but not as much as they wanted to see. At this point I asked for the epidural. Before arriving at the hospital I wasn't sure if I was going to do the epidural or not. I really wanted the experience of feeling labor. Well, felt it I had and I was ready to be a little more comfortable. I also knew that if I had the epidural, my body would be able to do what it needed to do. I was too tense because of the pain, and that was going to make my labor even longer. 

Once my nurse had gotten the "okay" from my doctor, the anesthesiologist came in to administer the epidural. I have been afraid of that needle going into my back since I saw it on "A Birth Story" years ago. I mean, I was terrified. But, what I did know was that there was no way it was going to hurt worse than what I had been experiencing for the last 11 hours. I had to control my shaking so he could properly stick it into my spine, as well as ignore the contraction I was having at the time. (The IV hurt worse than the epidural)

The sensation was strange once the drugs had worked their way into my body. I actually said "I feel like my bum is asleep," to everyone in the room. I was slightly embarrassed after the words came out. But soon after that, all embarrassment and modesty went out the door for me. Apparently, when one has an epidural, one also receives a catheter. Okay, that was when my modesty went out the door. I don't often show my hoo-ha to the world, but the nurse sees them EVERY day and I was nothing special. That is what I had to tell myself... it kind of worked. I am a very modest person. 

Once I was comfortable and resting, Pat went into the waiting room to visit with his mom. I laid in the bed trying to sleep because I didn't know how much energy I would have with the lack of sleep from the previous night. But then the nurse came in a little frantic and had me lay on my left side again and put an oxygen mask on me. She started telling me that baby's heart rate was dropping at the end of my contractions. This deceleration is very dangerous for the baby. I started to panic, worried about my unborn son. We had come so far! Pat walked into the room seeing the oxygen on me. He knew something had changed and it wasn't good. I couldn't talk, in a state of shock I suppose. The nurse tried to explain, but started in the middle, ultimately Pat was lost too. She stopped the pitocin, thinking this may be the cause of the deceleration. A few short moments later Dr. Leonard arrived from his office where he had been monitoring me. I could tell he was concerned again and he started to explain things to us. "I am going to break your water and we are going to put internal monitors on the baby. These will give us a more accurate reading of the baby's heart rate. If the deceleration doesn't stop, we are going to have to do a C-Section," he said matter-of-factly. 

All I could do was look at Pat. I was praying at that moment he could see into my soul and know my terror. I knew if I reacted the way my heart wanted me to, I would be hysterical. A C-Section was not in my birth plan. I was terrified of the surgery. I was terrified of not being able to hold my baby boy on my chest immediately after birth. I was terrified something was happening to him. I was terrified that I had no control over the situation. My thoughts kept going back to the pitocin. I was angry with myself for being induced. Maybe if I had been more adamant about waiting we wouldn't be here, on the verge of emergency surgery. Maybe if we had stayed home longer... But I knew my raised heart rate was a danger for him as well. I couldn't control it one way or the other. We just had to get him out safely.

Dr. Leonard broke my water and put the monitors in. Pat held my hand while silent tears fell down my face.  Pat assured me that one way or the other, everything would be okay. I had no choice but to believe him. 

After monitoring the baby with the internal monitors for a while, the nurse came in saying it looks like his heart rate is back to normal and we wouldn't have to have a C-Section. Relief fell over me and I started crying again. She kept the oxygen on me as a precaution. 

A short time later I started to feel that pressure that everyone talks about, the one that feels like a bowl movement... I told the nurse and she checked me. "Wow, he is right there." Our little guy decided to start the journey on his own. She had me do a few practice pushes, then called in my doctor. 

They explained to me how I needed to push properly and then we waited for the next contraction. I was able to feel the pressure of them at this point and knew where I needed to direct the push. Everyone was cheering me on which made me feel like a champion. Pat counted for me. After the first 2 contractions and 6 pushes, the nurse said she could see his hair color.  Pat and I looked at each other and smiled. He thought it would be blonde, well we both did. 

After 15 minutes total, 2 more contractions and 3 more pushes (9 pushes total) our little guy had entered the world! He had brown hair (still does) and he was still covered in vernix. The nurse put him on my chest immediately while the doctor prepared the umbilical cord for Pat to cut. We were both elated and sobbing. We had waited for this moment for a very long 9 months.

He was 7.4 lbs, 19 inches and perfectly healthy.

39 weeks still

We went to the doctor today for my 39 week check up. What seemed like a normal appointment started with what I thought was a back spasm. When my sweet nurse called my named she looked at me and said, " You aren't having a contraction are you?" I assured her I wasn't and that it was just a spasm. She simply said "That's called a contraction." I stand corrected.

She took my blood pressure and asked if I was nervous. I wasn't. So she took us into the exam room and took it again. Again, she asked if I was nervous. I laughed and said I had nothing to be nervous about. 2 more times she took it just to be safe. It was 132/80. I have been at a constant 120 through out the pregnancy. The doctor was slightly concerned and he wants to see me again on Friday so they can monitor my increase in blood pressure and see if they need to induce me, for fear of preeclampsia.

While the doctor was measuring my ever growing belly he said, "You have a nice big boy in there."

"How big?" I asked, terrified of his answer.

"I'd say eight pounds."

OMG

This is not what I had in mind at all. I was thinking a nice 7.2 lb baby. But 8 lbs. My jaw literally dropped and I immediately looked at Pat with fear. We have a whole week of growing ahead of us! He could weigh more that that!

Additionally, I am still only dilated to one centimeter. I know that doesn't mean anything, but it doesn't feel encouraging either.

So now I am getting nervous. Maybe nothing is going to go according to plan. I don't have a crazy birth plan, but being induced isn't one of the things on it. I am also scared that maybe he will be too big now to come down the birth canal, so then I would have to get a c section-also not in my plan.

I thought the scariest thing about having the baby was the pain of labor, but now, it is certainly the not knowing how things will progress, if I am going to labor on my own or need an induction. There are just too many unknowns today.

...

I came home from work today to a relaxing candlelit bath, chocolate milk and a movie on my iPad. Now I am resting in bed trying not to stress, and willing my blood pressure to regulate itself.

I will let you know on Friday how it goes.

One is half-way to Two: 39 weeks

Last Sunday, well Monday technically, Pat and I had our first trip to the hospital triage room. I had been having contractions regularly for an hour and twenty minutes. They were right on par with the 5-1-1 ratio they teach you in the birthing class. So I did what I thought I should do and I called the doctor. I felt terrible that it was 2 am, but the on call doctor told me to go to the hospital. So we did.

We were hooked up to the monitors, then checked - not dilated - and sent home at 3:30 am.

The contractions stopped and have not been regular since. Unless you count them waking me up at 4:30 am every day regular. 'Cause that does feel pretty damn regular. I wish someone would tell you that... that you can have regular contractions that start and stop. I thought once they started like that, there was no turning back.

The following Wednesday was my next scheduled doctor's appointment. My doctor asked if I wanted to be checked again. I really do appreciate him asking me because honestly, that hurts like an S.O.B. and it takes me a day + to recover. But, this time I did say yes. I was curious to know if these contractions were doing anything other than waking me up and teaching me how to breath. Now, if I have the choice, I will not be checked. If I am in labor, then I will know it. Maybe.

"You are at one centimeter," he said.

After he left the room, Pat smiled at me and said "One centimeter is half way to two!" I smiled back at him wondering who told him to say that. He really has been saying all the right things that make me feel better during these last few weeks. For that I am SO grateful.

I am really getting uncomfortable and anxious and have no desire to talk about my due date. Strangers ask me all the time now and usually I just say "tomorrow." Not because I am being curt, but because I really do want it to be tomorrow. And in the case of this early morning, I want it to be today. I want to to have been yesterday.

This whole pregnancy people have said that I won't make it to my due date. Now that the 15th is fast approaching, the anxiety that I will pass it is coming on strong. Pat and I have been taking walks, and I have been sitting on the birthing ball and bouncing around like crazy. Maybe this is causing all the crazy irregular contractions I have been having but I just don't know what else to do.

And as for this nesting thing, it is so far from my mind. I have been nesting for the last 8 months. All I want to do now is lay on the couch or in bed and sleep. There is 0.0 urge to nest. But I would like to take down the Christmas tree. And the Christmas lights. I am starting to feel like Gretchen Wilson up in here.

Currently

Craving: Sour Punch Straws - The blue flavored ones (another topic for another day)

Avoiding: Thinking, talking, referring to my due date

Ailments: Contractions of the irregular kind

Sleep: Enjoying what I am getting

Weight: 155

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Knowing my body knows what to do to prepare itself for labor

Least favorite thing: can't say... TMI

When in doubt, drink more water

During the entirety of this pregnancy, all of my pregnant friends and I have had various ailments, braxton hicks, serious middle-of-the-night leg cramping, carpal tunnel syndrome, constipation (TMI?), swelling of the everything, heartburn, dehydration, etc... Guess what? There is a miracle cure! Drink more water.

Today I am up before the butt-crack of dawn because I was caught lying on my back... which is bad for many reasons at this stage in pregnancy, but also means I am snoring. I am experiencing some tightening and a little bit of cramping this early morning so I thought I would do something productive. Now don't get your hopes up dear reader. I have found this means nothing at this hour. Well it does. It means I haven't had any water since 9 pm which means I need more water. And a little snack if I am being honest. (Bananas at 3 am may seem like a good idea, but maybe just stick with some cheese or cereal).

Anywho, newly expectant mama, Joanne, from Fabulously Average linked to this very blog on her Friday's Fab Five feature and so I was laying in bed thinking of all the helpful tips I could give about being pregnant and WATER is basically tip numero uno!  Every time I go to the doctor and tell them I have been having cramping or headaches they say, "Drink more water," or "Have you been drinking enough water?" At this point I am ready to hit them over the head with my large, heavy Nalgene bottle, which I fill and drink at least 3 of in a day! (Recommended amount: 64 oz)

Water is a lifesaver in many forms during pregnancy, I might add. Early in my pregnancy I swam a lot. It is highly recommended for exercise during pregnancy, so Pat bought me a little paddle board and I swam the weekends away. But, mostly because it was in the middle of summer and this AZ heat can take its toll on a pregnant body. I was never big enough to feel the effects of how awesome and pain relieving it can be for the joints. But, I can imagine. I even felt some of my first kicks from our little guy while I was in the pool. I think my little tyke liked the extra feeling of weightlessness that came when I floated around on my belly.

To feel a little bit of these effects now that it is too cold to be in the pool, I have taken a bath nearly every day this week. (Kept under 100 degrees mind you). I have never found a bath relaxing in my entire life until now. Usually I hate them. I hate getting pruney in hot water, but now, I wish I had a GINORMOUS tub that I could float in... but, my standard tub is doing the trick. My hips are relaxed, my back feels better. Even just for an hour, the relief that I am feeling is worth it. Not to mention the aromatherapy. I have been using Bath & Body Works Sleep Aroma Therapy and it is amazing. In fact, I may only have one more use out of it. But it really soothes the mind, and makes my whole house smells amazing.

I know there are mixed studies and beliefs about taking baths during pregnancy, especially in the first trimester, so I also recommend talking to your Dr. about anything you may be concerned about.

37 Weeks

We are officially full term and have a happy, healthy boy ready to burst out into this world at anytime. I am ready.

Just this morning, Pat and I were discussing how we are ready for the next phase. He is ready for me to start helping with the house and yard work again, and I am ready for him to start helping with the baby. Although we have been working solo on some items, we have been really good about remaining a team and communicating our frustrations, needs, wants, etc. during the pregnancy... and now we need this baby to make his grand entrance into the world so we can go back to being a team in all aspects of our life.

The nursery is ready. All of his clothes are washed. Our hospital bags are packed. We are resting as much as we can right now because we know it will be in short supply once the beeb comes home.

I am kind of hoping for a Christmas baby. I think that would be the greatest gift in the world. But, I would be sad for him having to share his big day with the biggest day of the year. When would we have his birthday party? I think mostly, I just can't wait to meet him.

Currently

Craving: Water - lots and lots of water

Avoiding: Sitting too long. My hips are starting to really be uncomfortable

Ailments: Heartburn again... my Zantac isn't cutting it anymore

Sleep: Waking up a lot during the night due to cramps, and remaining awake to make sure I am not actually in labor.

Weight: 153

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Pat rubbing my belly and understanding how uncomfortable I am

Least favorite thing: The tightness of my belly, the lack of comfortable clothing and my protruding belly button....

36 Weeks

I didn't know if I was going to write about this, but because this blog is also a form of documentation of our lives, I would like to reflect a bit on my feelings:

Next week our baby will be full term. He could come at any moment... and I am now undecided if I am ready. I read this quote today and it is really starting to resonate with me given the recent events in Newtown, Connecticut:

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” - Elizabeth Stone

I am terrified to let my "heart" outside of my body. If something were to ever happen to my son, I just don't know how I could go on, how I would ever breath again. I haven't even met him yet. I have many friends, cousins, and fellow bloggers with children that have all reacted to the horror of the event. Many of them encouraging homeschooling, and all of them crying. On one hand I don't feel like I can really grasp the magnitude and pain tragedy because I am still pregnant. But, on the other hand, my heart is now that of a parent's and I am full of sorrow for these families who have lost their babies at what should be the best, most magical time of year, especially for those with children.

But, the reality is, I can't keep our baby inside, safe forever. He will go out into the world. There will be dangers. There will be people who aren't nice. The best thing I can hope for is that he will always be a good person, and I can hope that he will never encounter someone that is out to harm others. I can teach him to know when to be brave and what brave means in a moment of crisis. 

But truly, I have to think and know how great will it be to have him out in the world with me and his dad. To actually be able to kiss his little toes and fingers. To cuddle and connect with "my heart" on the outside. I can't wait to see what he looks like. More and more I imagine a little Patrick curled up in a ball in my belly, just waiting to come out and see the world with his little big blue eyes. I am very grateful to have him in my life now, and I vow to do all I can to protect him from this cruel world, and teach him to protect himself as well. 

Currently

Craving: Water - lots and lots of water

Avoiding: Thinking I am in labor 

Ailments: Torn Tummy Muscles

Sleep: Actually getting some, as long as I cut back on the liquid intake around 5 o'clock.

Weight: Haven't weighed myself... 

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Being near the end

Least favorite thing: The feeling of a sunburned stomach - on the inside 

35 Weeks

I don't really feel like blogging today, but if I move from this spot I might just lose it.

I am certain that this baby is coming early. There is no way he is waiting the full 40 weeks. I am thinking he will come the weekend after Christmas. There is a full moon that weekend. Doesn't that make babies come? I saw it in a movie that the full moon makes women go into labor. Stay tuned.

Currently

Craving: Sugar cookies with icing

Avoiding: Thinking 

Ailments: Emotions

Sleep: Actually getting some, as long as I cut back on the liquid intake around 5 o'clock.

Weight: Haven't weighed myself... 

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Possibly getting out of jury duty tomorrow. Seriously, I have jury duty tomorrow. 

Least favorite thing: Emotions. 

34 Weeks

My co-worker that I mentioned in my last post had her baby this morning at 1 am. She is only 3 weeks ahead of me. If I have our Baby Haire in 3 weeks, he would be a Christmas baby.

Does it freak me out? Yes.
Does it make me excited? Yes.
Do I feel prepared? No. 

I need to pack my hospital bag... hell, I need to figure out what I need in my hospital bag. I need to rearrange the closet space in the baby's room, again. I need to pay the diaper service so they will deliver our first load of cloth diapers. But mostly, I need the baby to move his head down.

At my doctor appointment today, my doctor was surprised to feel that my little guy had not moved his head down. I am hoping his surprise came from the fact that the P.A. said his head was down (which she has told me for the last 2 weeks) and finding it slightly to the right and higher. My doctor said he should move down in the next week or so. Please baby, please get in the right position so we can do this the natural way!

I know my body is starting to prep itself for the birth of our little guy. I have been experiencing Braxton-Hicks for the last week. They were really intense over the weekend and still trickling in and out this week. The best thing to note about BH... they aren't regular. They will stop, go away, change. I have to tell myself this over and over, otherwise I would have Pat pull out his contraction-timing ap every day unnecessarily. (Isn't that neat? There is an ap for that! Couldn't be more accurate, right?)

My daily headache starts around 1 pm and I am exhausted by 2:30 pm every day. The cankles are an all day thing now. Coming from a girl that has always had bird legs, these are a strange thing to look down and see.

Speaking of cankles, Pat sprained his right ankle and has been out of work for a week now. His next doctor appointment is on Friday, so we are hoping he can get back to work on Monday and the sprain is healed. The bruising on his foot is quite gruesome, running all the way up to his toesies. I try to take care of him, but he is a guy. They are either completely pitiful (day one of the sprain) or frustratingly stubborn (the rest of his life). But, I love him all the same, and I will take care of him whenever he will let me. But honestly, this was a rough week with both of us having to elevate our legs. Who is going to cook dinner?

On a happy happy happy note: I got my Solly Baby wrap!!! It was the one thing I bought on Black Friday because they were having such a great deal! I have been practicing with my American Girl baby... not sure I have got it just yet.

Currently

Craving: Fudgecicles and homemade chocolate chip cookies

Avoiding: Raw vegetables and spicy things - also, standing. 

Ailments: Headaches, body aches, daily

Sleep: Only on the weekends or if Pat sleeps on the couch

Weight: 151

Favorite thing about being pregnant: People smile at you all the time.

Least favorite thing: Not being able to breathe or catch my breath after walking from the bedroom to the kitchen.

33 Weeks

I have a friend and work that is 3 weeks further along than me. She could pop at anytime now. And guess what? She still wears 3" heels to work. She has her hair done and make up on... every day. She makes this whole pregnancy thing look easy. Glamorous even. Yes, sometimes she walks out of her office and shows me the occasional swollen foot, but, that doesn't make me feel any better about my unbrushed hair in a top knot, or the bags that are getting continuously darker under my eyes that I don't even attempt to cover with makeup anymore. She is trying to make me feel better that I feel like shit and all the while she is a walking marvel!

Even though I may complain about how I look... and feel. I have this new found inner strength that comes with being a mom... Mama Bear syndrome I think they call it. I am VERY vocal about my opinions, things that do and don't affect me. I tell the Dr. what I think may be wrong with me (in which case I am usually wrong and paranoid). I have been using my horn in my car more. "Can't you see I am pregnant, idiot?" I yell at fools through my windshield. No, they can't. (Embarrassingly, I honked at an old on her scooter just 2 days ago). When people come around me and start telling me they feel like they are getting the flu, I want to fall backwards out of my chair and then karate chop them in the neck! "Can't you see I am pregnant, idiot?" I want to say. I don't.

But I think it is amazing, this new inner strength that I have found. I will do anything and everything in my power to protect my little boy. Pat is even more protective. 2 weeks ago at our monthly Dr. appointment our Physician's Assistant was showing me how to feel the baby's head. Pat immediately jumped out of his chair and wanted to be part of this party. So the PA showed him how to put his fingers around our little one's head. I am not even sure he felt it. He  is so afraid to put too much pressure on my belly that he freaks out if I push on my belly to get the beeb to move. If I am being honest, I think our little one is grateful for his protective father. After we were feeling his head, there was a HUGE swiping movement across my belly as if he were saying "Leave me alone!"

Now, we are at 33 weeks, with only 7 more to go. We have a lot on our list of things to do before the baby's grand entrance into this world. But you know what we did get done? Our maternity pictures! Here is a sneak peak in video format - created by Mrs. B. Kim herself. She will be blogging about it, when she gets some time away from her school graduation, and upcoming trip to New York. (Doesn't she rock?) Anyway, enjoy.

Emily and Pat Maternity from Brianna Kim on Vimeo.

Is time on my side?

At the beginning of our pregnancy, time wouldn't go fast enough. There were always things to look forward to: the first ultrasound, surviving the first trimester, finding out the gender, first movements to be felt, and the baby shower. These important events could not come quickly enough for us.

Well, we have hit all those landmarks, and the baby shower is this weekend. Now, with only 15 more weeks until we meet our baby boy, the next thing to look forward to is the maternity photo shoot, setting up the nursery, and finally, having the baby.

To be quite honest, I am terrified to go from two to three in our family. Pat and I work quite well with just the two of us. Our communication skills are impeccable and we have a lot of the same goals and ideas about what we want our life to be.

About 8 months ago we decided that path we wanted to travel down was the path of parents. But now, with our due date sneaking up on us, I am trying to slow things down a little. I want to savor every last moment I have where it is just me and him. Where we have time to look into each others eyes in bed on weekend mornings. Where we stay up late and watch Harry Potter until we fall asleep on the couch. Where we have no other responsibility but ourselves. (and of course all of Pat's to-do lists).

Will we remember what these moments feel like?

These next 15 weeks are going to fly by. These upcoming days, along with prepping for our little guy, Pat and I are going to refocus on us because we are the core of this family. We need to ensure our strength in our relationship will remain strong enough to support the addition of one! (I am confident it is).

Here I am at 25 weeks in my autumnal garb.

 

Currently

Craving: Cinnamon Rolls

Avoiding: Raw bell peppers and raw onions

Ailments: Heartburn & migraines

Sleep: Not much

Weight: 135 (still)

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Feeling our wee one move with excitement when he hears Pat arrive home.

Least favorite thing: Not being able to sleep through the night because of the constant night time bathroom trips, and difficulty rolling over.

A Changing Body

I remember at one point in my life saying "I can't wait to be pregnant and have that giant belly!" and "Pregnancy is beautiful." Well, insert foot in mouth. I don't think I am physically cut out for this pregnancy thing, and truthfully, I don't think I have been any uglier.When we got pregnant I weighed 120. The addition of this mis-proportioned weight is really starting to take its toll on my body and therefore zapping me of all energy.

Please don't mistake me. I am very excited about meeting our baby boy and I am thrilled with everything our future holds... even the teenage years. And I DO love feeling him move around inside me. In fact, I can't wait for when he will do it more regularly... however, I am sure I will be eating those words as well.

Last week my back pain was nearly unbearable. My pelvis and back were not in line I am sure of it. My pelvis was more like in my hip and the pain in my hips made me long for a girdle, just to put things back in place, for an hour, that's all I ask. I wear my chacos as much as I can because they have GREAT arch support. I slip them on while cooking and if I have to run errands. But, people in AZ don't realize how AWESOME they are, so I reserve wearing them for myself only. Usually.

Pictured with Big Toe Straps tucked under socks... that is even too much for me. Yikes. 

As for my belly, I do like that. (Minus the addition of the dark hair that has taken over my "happy trail"). I don't have to worry about my shirt being too tight and showing that I just had a large lunch. No, I get to look like that all day... and I get to relax. No more sucking in! I just didn't realize that my uterus itself would be so uncomfortable. Anytime I move a direction it doesn't like, or stand up too quickly, I feel like my insides are tearing into pieces. Ligament pains I am told.

Sorry for the REALLY bad cell pic. Really bad. 

And today, today I came home sick with some stomach thing that has been going on for 2 days now. The fear of things affecting our baby consumes me. This whole listeria thing REALLY freaks me out. Now that my stomach has been icky, and my body is achy, I have to think back to everything I have eaten and if I went out of the "Safe Foods" zone. Thank goodness I haven't.

I am still waiting for that "great hair" everyone talks about that happens during pregnancy. My hair is the worst it has ever been. Maybe it is the opposite with me. It is heavy and blah. All I can do with it is wear it wet on the way to work, pray the AZ heat zaps it of all its moisture before arriving at the office, and then put it in a top knot or French-braid by the end of the day. I am not exaggerating here... it is really bad. I have actually considered wearing my blonde Halloween wig that I pulled out of the closet last week. Also, I do not wear make-up anymore. I have barely enough energy to swing my legs out of bed in the morning and put my contacts in. Make-up is just 1 step too far during the week. I always promised myself I would never French-braid my hair and not wear make-up while pregnant. I promised myself that looking good would still be a priority. Well, here I am people... full of lies.

My yabos are definitely getting bigger, and for a girl with too big of yabos as it is, I am starting to get the upper back pain. I am finally accepting the fact that I need to get a bigger bra. But then there is that challenge. I REALLY hate bra shopping. Nothing makes me crankier. So. I decided not to bra shop and just pick 2 bras up on Zulily, my new favorite place to shop, from my couch. From everything I have read, "they" say to forgo regular "fashion" bras and go on ahead and get the nursing bras. So, that is what I did. In all truth, these bras have more lace on them than my current ones. (is this concerning to anyone else?) I have also read that my rib cage is going to expand 2"+ during my pregnancy, so I went 1 size up all together. If they don't work, well... I will staple them until they do. Because they will work.

My rump seems to be growing too, but not in a good way, not in the perky young butt way. I seem to be getting that "mom-butt" thing... but I get I am in "mom" territory now. I just need to start wearing the Levis 550s and I will be looking mighty sexay. My thighs are following suit. It's all one nice saddle bag package.
I have only gained about 15 lbs. Let's see where the rest of the weight is going to go in the next 3 months and how I will feel then.

I should say that is my perspective on my changing body. Pat sees a completely different image. He looks like there is light from heaven shining on my growing belly every time he sees it. Every morning he asks if it has grown and how IT is doing. He is mystified by the belly and doesn't seem to notice any other strange bumps that are starting to form on my behind body. And that is why he is a great husband. I can be ugly as sin and he would still say that my elbows look lovely. Or something along those lines.

Our Blue Moon Baby

I am not really sure if it was the full moon, the Blue Moon, or the music, but something got into our little one last night. Pat and I went to bed extra early because we haven't been feeling caught up on our sleep. Well, let's face it, I never do. I would sleep for 12+ hours a night if I could.We crawled into bed around 8:30 pm and started listening to some tunes on YouTube. With my iPad resting in my lap we checked out this gal, Beach House, that my bff told me about earlier in the evening.

Which then led us to rocking out a little to one of Pat's favorites, The Lumineers: Stubborn Love 

And Ho Hey

At that point, our little guy started moving and groovin' right along with the beats of the song. It was the first time we could visibly see my stomach moving. I was laughing so hard at the strangeness of it all. It was like he was doing DDR in the womb! Finally I simmered down and just watched our baby do his thing.

I hope he comes out liking music as much as he appears to right now.

It was a great way to spend the first night of our long labor day weekend. 


Also, in the "Stubborn Love" vid, at 1:08 - I am thinking of chopping my hair that short... giving it a month to decide for sure. Thoughts? Feelings?

Oh Boy!

We are having a little boy!
We found out on Tuesday afternoon. Initially the ultrasound tech wasn't 100%, but then the little guy started moving and flipping around. Then there was the proof!
I just stared at the screen, dumbfounded, with a smile on my face. A huge smile on my face. Pat was my mirror image. Pat immediately thought about buying baseball mitts and golf clubs for our little boy.

Earlier that morning Pat was walking around in his pjs with bed head. At that moment I thought to myself, "I hope we have a boy." I would love to see the two of them... hair sticking up and sleepy eyes eating cereal.

It is nice to know that our little one is a boy. I feel like knowing the gender has created more of a connection between us and the baby, being able to call him by his name. If I am being honest... initially, it was difficult to create a connection with our baby. Fear had gotten the best of us in the early stages. We couldn't bare to have our hearts broken again by a loss.

But now is the time to make our connection! He can hear us now. He is moving like crazy and making sure that we know it! Pat and I are growing closer together every day and constantly talking about the baby and the size of my growing belly. Pat has felt the kicks through my belly and I am trying to savor every moment of sharing my body with our child and remember everything I am feeling.

On that note: My ring finger is rejecting my wedding rings. This is apparently a common occurrence in pregnancy, allergies to metal. I have a red ring around my finger now that feels like a burn. So, I walked around ringless for a day and I felt naked for the whole time So today I dug out an old ring that my old college roommate and I bought in hopes to thwart off boys. (Ya, we were real lookers in college). The size of the ring was absolutely ridiculous, but it made me feel a little less nude.
I am hoping this reaction to gold doesn't stick around for the whole pregnancy, or after.

A Confounded Miracle

DISCLAIMER- PARENTS, GUYS and SENSITIVE FOLK- This may be a little more graphic than you would like. Please don't read on if you don't want to know about girl stuff.

I don't know if you have done the math or not, but, spoiler alert, this baby was conceived less than a week after we lost our first. (Don't worry, I won't get into the details of it.) Truly, I started to worry about the possibility of being pregnant again after I hadn't started my period for 6 weeks after the loss. I didn't think it was REALLY possible to have gotten pregnant that quickly. But, I remember what my Dr. said, "It would confound things, but it is possible."
Typically, the doctors and the internet tell you to wait for a month, maybe two after your first normal period before you start trying again. Pat and I thought we would even wait longer than that. We weren't sure that we were ready to try again, and in the worse case scenario, lose again. Pat was just starting school and life seemed to be getting a little hectic for us. Would we have time for a baby? Best to wait, we thought.
On Thursday, May 10th at 2 pm I called the nurse's line at my Doctor's office to let them know I hadn't started my period yet. I was a little crampy, (but I don't believe in cramps as a sign of a period anymore. That means your ass is pregnant!) It had been 6 weeks and it should have started by then. The first thing the nurse asks me is "Have you had unprotected sex?" I lied straight through my teeth! It was just that one time... and it was so soon after, I couldn't have been ovulating. She will never know about it."If it doesn't start in the next week, come in and we will have to jump start it." I agreed. I still don't know what it means to "jump start it." Besides, I knew at that moment it wouldn't have to come to that. I was knocked up.
I called Pat on my way home from an unproductive day of work and told him I needed to take a pregnancy test. Much like the first, he said to wait a few days. Ladies, if you think you should take a test, take it. You are probably right. I got home, dug under my bathroom sink to find my last pregnancy test. Pat wasn't home yet... but there was no waiting. I had to know, and I had to know right then. It didn't take 2 seconds to show that it was positive. I snorted out of my nose in disbelief.
Just then I heard the garage door open. Then I heard voices. Pat was talking to the neighbor. I nonchalantly went out to say "hello" and when the conversation was done, told Pat I needed to show him something. I lead him into our bathroom and showed him the stick. He looked at the directions again, making sure to decode the symbols correctly.
We sat and talked about it, trying to disprove the test. I thought maybe it was just hCG left in my body from our first. But I knew that wasn't the case. I had just gotten the phone call telling me it was negative past zero.
I still waited a week before making a doctor's appointment. May 21st I went to a new doctor's office and sure enough... I was pregnant again. No missed period date to go by... we were confounded indeed. We assumed I was about 4 weeks pregnant.
They took my blood to check my hCG levels again. I received a phone call later that day with the test results. The Nurse Practitioner was worried because the levels seemed very high for just being 4 weeks pregnant at 15,300. The Nurse said it could be one of two things, twins or a molar pregnancy. I needed to get in for an ultrasound as soon as possible. I made an appointment for that Thursday. It was the soonest I could get into the imaging center.
For nearly two days I sat and stewed on the fact that we were either having twins or I was going to have to go through a loss all over again with a molar pregnancy. I did the research, molar pregnancies are incredibly rare. I think the statistic is 1 in 1000 pregnancies are molar, but that was all I could think about. Grapes in my uterus.
That Thursday, with a WAY too full bladder I got up on the ultrasound bed and the tech couldn't find anything. My heart was racing and sinking, I had been here before, but I needed to keep my hopes up. The tech told me to empty my bladder, then empty it again. Her awesome attitude made this stressful moment a little easier. When I returned we had to look from the inside. She was quiet and didn't say much while she was peeking around my insides. Then, finally, breaking the rules of Ultrasound Techs everywhere, she turned the screen towards me and pointed to it. There it was. One little fluttering heartbeat. Just one. And it was perfect. I didn't cry like I thought I was going to. I just laid there, relieved.
The tech printed me two pictures and sent me on my way. I called Pat, and we both sat on the phone, relieved. Then shocked. Then nervous. It was hard to be excited at this point. The feeling we kept coming back to was relief.      
The ultrasound came back saying we were 6 or 7 weeks pregnant. That is why the hCG levels seemed so high. They were right on par with where they should be. The baby had a heartbeat and things seemed to be progressing just fine.
Fast forward to 18 almost 19 weeks pregnant. Everything is going great so far. We have already felt the baby move. In fact, I felt it with my hand today! This is a tough little bugger inside of me. And I am so thankful for that.

3.5 more days until we find out if it is a boy or a girl!

5 Days: He or She

I am trying to decide if I want a boy or a girl, and in my indecisiveness, I have decided I can't decide. There are so many amazing things to look forward to if we have a boy or a girl.

If we have a girl, I want to wrap her little curls around my finger in the morning, and when her hair is long enough, I will French braid it and understand that it does hurt to brush her hair. So we will use "No More Tears" for shampoo so it will tangle less. She will wear ruffle butt diapers just like I did and wear clothes with fruit on them. She will cuddle with her daddy at night and bake with her Aunt Teldi.

If we have a boy, he will have the bluest eyes and blondest hair, just like his dad. He will hold my hand because I am the most special person in his life, and he will tell me jokes that he makes up just to make me smile. He will learn how to fix a car and throw a baseball with his dad. He will want to build things and play with Lou Dog, as long as she will let him. He will never want to wear shoes, and scrape up his knees because he plays so hard. His Uncle Jake will show him all the awesome cartoons and read him books, and Uncle Bo will teach him to be extra tough!

I don't have any real expectations of my child. I haven't created any goals for him or her. I just want the bebe to be happy, feel the love that Pat and I offer, and see the world how Pat and I saw it as children. A playground. I know the bebe will surprise me everyday and my heart will fill with joy every time he/she discovers something new.

So, to my baby boy, or baby girl, I can't wait to meet you and be part of the happiness you are going to give to your family.

5 more days until we know.

What's in a name?

It's no surprise that we have a name that demands a little attention. Before meeting my sweet, I had never heard the last name Haire. People always try to make it different than it really is. For example, when we began our friendship with the Kims, TK decided to pronounce it "as the French would" Hair-Ay. The check out boy at the grocery says "Hire." Nope. It is what it is, and we are proud of it - Haire.

As soon as we announced we were pregnant, people wanted to know the names we are planning on, and they made sure to tell us that we need to be careful because kids will tease him/her if we give the beeb an outrageous name. As if we haven't already thought about that. Any parent needs to think about that really. Well, sorry kid. It is going to be rough at one point or another. But, hopefully, you will be tough like your father and never let it phase you.

In fact, Pat cannot remember a time when kids were mean to him about his name. He was always too nice a guy for people to treat him badly. People do come up with some "playful" nicknames though. My sister calls Pat "Pit Haire," for example. But that surely isn't the worst of it.

Proud as we may be, now comes the hard part. What to name the wee one?
If the beeb is a boy, we can't name him after our maternal grandfathers.

Peter   or    Richard

Do you see the dilemma?



With our last name comes a sense of humor, thick skin, and a very strong family. I hope our unborn baby is growing strong physically, and when the beeb joins us in the world, we will teach the art of humor and love to ensure he/she feels the pride that we do to be a Haire.

Only 15 more days until we know if we will be naming a boy or naming a girl!

We're Pregnant

We found out the news that we are pregnant a few months ago. But, we were holding in the news until we were safely past the 12 week mark... today we are 16.5 weeks pregnant! And it is a mere 19 days until we find out if we are having a boy or a girl beeb... The reason I haven't blogged about it isn't because I have been praying to the porcelain gods due to morning sickness, and it isn't because I am sleeping all the time (although I have been doing plenty of that). It's because I was waiting to do a preggo photo shoot with my very good friend Bri and use the stellar photos to announce the pregnancy. But, comic-con got in the way, then there was a sinus infection, visitors, and the need to do a puzzle in my undies (don't ask). So, I have decided to go ahead and blog about it. Officially.If you follow me on Twitter or IG, you probably already know, but stay tuned for some shameless cellphone photos.

Normally I don't like looking at other people's ultrasound pictures. They freak me out mostly. But this isn't other people's ultrasound pictures, this is MY ultrasound picture, and quite frankly, I think it is adorable. This is our ultrasound at 12 weeks. Still a little bean but we could see some definition! It actually looks like a baby! (In the first ultrasound, the beeb looked like an astronaut! You could still see the yolk sack, which acted as an astronaut helmet.) Pat was able to come with me to the 2nd and it was amazing watching him. He picked out the heartbeat before the Ultrasound tech could get a word in. He stood at the end of the bed and held onto my foot, squeezing it  with excitement occasionally.

My belly is popping out finally, but still mostly looks like a drink too much wine (which, to be clear, has ceased completely).

July 12th was the first day I wore maternity clothes officially, the day before my birthday! The dress is from Old Navy and I wish they had it in every color so I could wear one every day! It is the most comfortable piece of clothing I have right now. It goes to my ankles, which I think will come in handy when I am no longer able to shave my legs because of protruding belly. Who am I kidding? I never shave my legs anyway. Maxi dresses to the rescue!

Today: I am looking super pregnant, but, I am not going to lie... that could be a little bit of pizza bloat. But, I am getting bigger and bigger every day. These are the only pants that I can still fit into. And on another note, it is VERY difficult to take self-baby bump pictures. Mad props to Melissa who makes it looks so effortless!
I asked Pat to take my photo today too. I wanted to have my top knot in the picture because it is totally rockin'. Second day curly hair, if prepared right, is the best way to do a top knot.

Still garbage! Look at my posture... I will get better about this! And hopefully, when Bri and I are able to do our photo shoot, and hopefully video (check out this dope piece of work), I will have the poses down and have the posture of a lady!