Life & Gratitude

It's after 9 pm and I can hear Bear playing in the dark of his room right now. I, myself, should be in bed. But I need the quiet. I need the solitude. I need this moment to reflect. 

Today was a hard day. It's been a hard couple of days. Weeks even. Turns out, the older we get, the older our families get. We lose some, some need surgery on their failing joints, some are just learning to sit up for the first time, and tonight I'm stopping to wonder, what did I miss? How did we get here? 

Life, which used to creep by, has suddenly hit the accelerator. Things that really do matter are being replaced with the things that seem quite trivial. It's time to stop, slow down, see things through my children's eyes. Relive the magic of a blooming flower, the interest of sand between my toes, the joy I feel from a good hug from a dear friend. 

Time to be present. 

In response to tragedy - Friday the Thirteenth

I lay here before the sun is up with my son sleeping on my chest. His little breaths are audible over the sound of the noise app I have playing on my phone. The glow silhouettes his tiny back rising and falling. He is innocent. We are lucky. 

After the terrorist attacks in Paris yesterday I held my boys close. We watched Christmas movies and ate cereal for dinner because none of the formalities mattered. Later, watching my children sleep put the enormity of this in perspective for me. All of these people were once children. Attackers and victims alike. They all had a mother who carried them in her womb for 9 months. She held her baby protected in her body and imagined powerful dreams for her child. This cannot be was she had hoped. 

She rocked her baby to sleep, maybe sang lullabies, and told stories of love and greatness to her child. How is it then, that such innocence can turn into such hatred, such terror? I don't mean to say a mother's love can save us, but it can certainly be a start. 

Attacks such as these, on innocents, in public places, places where friends meet and families gather, generate so much fear. So much anger. And for me, so much sadness. Retaliation is imminent. After the attacks on 9/11, I understand that hurt and rage. But I also remember a country uniting as it never has before and certainly has not since. I pray France finds that unity, let it be their silver lining, if there is to be one after this senseless tragedy. 

This morning, when much needed sleep eludes me, I meditate on loving kindness. I send love and light to Paris, to Europe, and to humankind as a whole. I focus on happiness, kindness and peace for my boys and pray they do not have to continue to live in such a cruel world but that we will all unite and spread love. Let us discover that honest disagreement can be peaceful, educational, and productive. 

A mom of two

I didn't know that becoming a mom of two would help me with my identity of being a mother. Right before becoming pregnant with my youngest I was having serious identity issues on being a mom or being Emily. I started running and this helped me to find balance in being both a mom and an individual. It brought forth the requirement for balance. I was feeling REALLY good with my running. I was sticking with it. Then I found out I was pregnant. I didn't feel confident in my physical ability with the newness of running and having had a miscarriage in the past; I thought it was selfish to continue so I put my running on hold. I was actually pretty depressed for the next couple months after giving it up.

My pregnancy was brutal on me physically but I actually attribute that to my stress levels. As you may have read in my previous posts, we sold our house, moved into my grandparent's condo for a month, then into a hideous basement apartment for a month before lucking out on our new home. Meanwhile, work was the most stressful it had ever been. Once we moved into our new home, I was able to release that stress. I started to practice hypnobirthing (although a little late in the game) and guided meditation geared toward pregnancy. This and hour long baths in my giant tub really helped bring me back down to earth.

Fast forward nearly a month, my supermoon baby blessed us with his presence. This is when life's need for balance REALLY came into play for me. This is when patience, grace and forgiveness made their permanent place in my home. In the last six weeks I have had to find patience with my eldest, grace with my husband, and forgiveness for myself. With each of these yins comes the yang and those yangs are my weakness.

I have been home bonding with my youngest son and during this time I have been reading books on Buddhism and motherhood, meditating, and reconnecting with friends and family. Having little family nearby, it is important to create a support system that I can count on, and having a baby really shows the true colors of people. But the creation of my village is going to be crucial for the coming months and years.

My darling husband leaves before we wake up in the morning and gets home just before bedtime. This is going to make life even more hectic once I go back to work. This is why I need to hone in on patience, grace, and forgiveness. My fuse will be shortened with fatigue and stress. Practicing these now will help my family continue to grow and thrive, no matter what life forces upon us. I see myself growing in new ways with Bear. Being able to stop and take a breath, evaluate situations and finding new solutions before losing my cool is the best part of this positive change and probably the most important.

Needing a rest

You know that scene in the movies where an over worked mom disappears from her family and sleeps in a hotel, wakes up and calls the front desk only to learn she has been sleeping for like 10 days. Ya. I need that kind of rest. I worked from home today, and decided to take a short cat nap. I set my alarm for a half hour and crashed. HARD. I am still waking while typing this because I needed something to get my brain going.

I am working on recovering from this week. From this month.... from this year maybe. Yesterday was the hardest. It was an awful, no good, very bad day. The kind where even my sweet husband needed to step back and look at me. I lost control of my emotions. I lost control of my life. I hope to look back on yesterday and say how trivial it all was. That it wasn't as bad as it seemed.... but for now, I want to forget it. Sweep it under a rug and hope to never notice the bulge of the mess that I was yesterday.

Discipline

I don't really discipline my son. We explain consequences, and he does get the occasional time out if he hits, but it is really more of a break from the situation that is frustrating him. Truth be told, I have a really great kid. He tests his boundaries and tries my patience, but I really don't discipline him. Today I did.

Bear loves trains. Bear loves to crash his trains. I don't mind that he does this. They are his to do what he likes with. If they break, I will try to fix them. If I can't fix them, well, that's what happens when toy trains are crashed over and over and over.

I was running late this morning, as I often am. I was scooting my boy out the door when he decided to grab a train and some train tracks to take to daycare. He has been doing this on the regular lately so I just said, "Okay, grab Porter and then we will get into Mommy's car." As soon as we were out the door, my little guy plopped onto the sidewalk to play with his train and track in the yard. Okay. Whatever. I will get the thousands of bags that I frequently haul around with me into the car and come back for the boy and his toys.

As I was wrangling him up, he lobbed his favorite train, Porter, into the lantana bush. These bushes are thriving this summer, and I think the heat has warped them into another desert dwelling plant with thistles and thorns. I rescued Porter, teeny irritating scratches as my payment, and strapped the boy into the car.

We got to daycare, the sippy cup I had packed leaked all over my seat and the diaper bag. I was quite frustrated - and it was already a piping 98 degrees outside. This is not helping the already hectic morning. Bear was unstrapped and ran up the steps to daycare. That was easier than normal I thought to myself. My little guy must have sensed this because then he thought it would be fun to throw Porter into another, less friendly bush that sits right against the daycare house. That's it. Porter was lost. Forever. That was the end of my rope for the morning.

I bent to be on his level, eye to eye, holding firmly onto Bear's arm and said, "That is NO! We DO NOT throw our trains into bushes. Porter is gone. We can't get him back."

Then the lip came out. And the tears. I held onto his arm and directed him toward the door. He lost it. By the time we walked in the door, my anger subsided and was immediately replaced with guilt. Guilt that I had lost my cool with him. I should have bent down and explained it to him, but instead I was stern - meanwhile, he just lost his favorite train for good, because he is still learning about cause and effect. Me being mad didn't and won't help his sadness.

He did fine for the remainder of the day. They played trains all day at daycare - which is generally not the case. But the second we walked outside, he walked over to the bush looking for Porter. I searched the area I could reach, but to no avail. Porter really is gone. Bear will forget eventually. But it was a good lesson for me. He is learning and so am I.

Nesting without a home

Perhaps another thing that has called be back to this space is the inability to nest. I have nowhere to nest at this point. If anything, I would like to use this urge to clean and pack, but my body has major limits as to what I can do this time around. Chasing my toddler is about the most I can do physically, and even that can put me horizontal for the evening.

I don't remember the nesting tendencies hitting me this hard with my first pregnancy, but that could be because I was able to do it. I was able to create a nursery. I was able to wash baby clothes and create a space to bring my baby boy home.

Currently, I have a void.

I am longing to do all sorts of things. I want to craft. I want to crochet. I want to bake - ya, I said it. Me. Bake. What??? I told my Mister tonight that I wanted to take a baking class so I could be better at rolling out dough. *Self discovery - I don't tackle many baking projects because of the rolling of dough issue.

It doesn't look like I will be nesting in a permanent location any time soon either. We have one house to see tomorrow, and if that doesn't pan out well, we will start looking at short term rentals. I have come to terms with this and will still make this temporary house a home for all my guys,

Meanwhile, I will be on Pinterest pinning EVERY pin that has to do with living rooms and bathrooms. See you there!

Blogging as a release.

Sometimes life is so great. Sometimes everything seems so put together and easy. Sometimes I think, man, we really have the hang of this. We should have another baby and see what happens! We should sell our house in the middle of summer while I am 7 months pregnant too.

Oh wait, we can't find a house? Oh what? Work is super crazy and I need to work 50+ hours a week and maybe even travel? Oh, we can't find a house to buy and our house sold the day we listed it and we might be homeless with a toddler???

Ya - this is my life right now. It has gotten so insane that I have had to spend several days in bed (not consecutively thank god) due to Braxton-Hicks contractions. My body and mind cannot handle the stress. I haven't blogged in over a year or so it seems - truly I would have to look to even remember, but I need an outlet to put some of this. I don't have time to see a counselor or even go to the freaking dentist. So I am putting down a few words here - just to have a little release.

Side note - I am going to the dentist next week. Oral health is very important. 

Presidents Day 2015

It was just me and Bear this Monday holiday. I decided we should indulge in a slow morning, where I enjoyed my first cup of coffee in nine weeks, made us toast, twice, and stayed in our jammies until ten am. It was lovely.

With lunch and nap time encroaching, I thought it would be an adventure to hit a new (read: new to me) local nursery for some organic vegetable seeds. For a good twenty minutes Bear explored the nursery and his voice. He said "hi" to other patrons and  loved the fluorescent wind flowers. 

I decided it was time to get down to business, which meant wrangling my two  year old under my arm and locating the organic seed section. I also pulled my crumpled list of Arizona Gardening Guide out of my back pocket that tells me when I should plant seeds or transplants and what is appropriate for mid-February.

Well, between juggling the list and a cranky toddler, I grabbed what I could see that was on my list and headed for the cashier. Do subdue my boy, I pulled one of the fluorescent wind flowers out of a pot and handed it to him. It worked. For about 10 seconds. 

Anyway, fast forward to naptime, I was able to till up my raised garden and discovered a few happy surprises. During my first observation I saw carrot sprouts nowhere near where I had ever planted carrots before. My compost carrots had sprouted! Not sure how they will do, but I moved them to a new location to see how they progress. After that, I dug up the soil turning the old and exposed into new moist growing grounds. And there were worms! I didn't even know Arizona had worms! Worms are exceptional for gardens, they fertilize and airrate the soil! Needless to say, I'm pleased as punch. 

Today I planted tomato seeds, green onions, peas, and if one dares to count it, carrots! I have cantaloupe and watermelon seeds waiting for their debut, but I need to do a little more homework on how best to plant these apparently fragile vines. 

Now, we wait. 

My New Thang

If you have read my previous posts about wanting to find a passion/hobby/activity - whathaveyou - you may be interested to know I have finally found my thang. I started working with leather. What started out as a mission to repurpose old belts into bracelets became a whole new gig. I now tool the leather myself and have been moving full speed ahead. I am constantly learning and improving and always, always looking for feedback!

It started with a gift from my neighbors Christmas 2013 - the Tandy Toolkit. I was completely new to the idea and decided to dive in head first. Very quickly I started accumulating new vintage tools from my father-in-law, visiting my local Tandy Store for new dyes and necessities and I made myself an Etsy Shop - Laidlaw & Smith Leather. Some of my leather cuffs can be found at The Brass Monkey Clothing store in Twin Falls, ID too! I am so grateful for the love from my hometown!

I have found such a great community on Instagram for leather workers and have found a lot of inspiration there too. It's very nice to find crafters who are supportive of each other and encourage and offer advice and tips. 

This Autumn I will be participating in the Phoenix Flea, November 29th and have a lot of work to do and a lot of products to create! I hope you will come down and visit me if you are in the area! If you are interested in anything I create, please drop me a note and I will do my best to accommodate your request. To stay updated on my current projects follow me on Instagram @laidlawandsmith or on my Flickr Account here.

Dining with a toddler

Today the fam and I hit a new hip restaurant for lunch. I’ve gone there a few times solo and have really enjoyed their vegetarian options. Although they don’t boast an organic menu, they do have healthier options for dining out, “pure clean food,” which is why I thought it would be a good choice for our family. 

The kids menu was only okay, heavy on the cheese – but there was a side of apples instead of French fries, so I ordered my Bear a grilled cheese and I had the mushroom flatbread (which I have had in the past and still love). Pat had the Chicken BLT. When our lunch was delivered to our table I was sorely disappointed in Bear’s kid meal. It was "grilled" white bread, doused in oil, and what appeared to be Kraft Singles (more oil) between each bleached slice. 

This is a common occurrence in eating out at restaurants for us. The “grown up” food is great! High quality ingredients! Then the kid’s food is subpar and cheap. I feel like I should know better by now. My little guy is certainly capable of eating anything we eat; I just look to the kid’s menu out of obedience, or looking for smaller portions so we aren’t wasteful. I have no one to blame but myself because I decide what goes in his body.

I really do love these little restaurants popping up. Locally owned shops that have character and the drive to succeed in a shitty economy, but man am I disappointed that their quality of food stops at 5 years old. I looked at the menu again to look for Mom & Bear approved items. Perhaps these will pop into your head when you are cringing at the “Chicken Nugget” choices on your favorite restaurant menu:

• Hummus Plate
• Sweet Potato Fries
• Vegetable Wild Rice
• Seasonal Fruit
• Side of avocado

You may have to mix and match some items to get a meal for your kiddo, but you won’t have nightmares about what toxic ingredients you have allowed your child to ingest.

The Root of Us

It's been a while. In this while, I have been on a wandering path. There are so many things to talk to- to explore, but the most important at this point is food. It is the root of our well being.

In several heartfelt emails to one of my longtime friends, I have shared that, in food I find spirituality. I have thought about starting a new blog based around this. On my passion for healthy, organic, non-gmo foods. I thought if I could start a new blog, in a new space, I would be able to effect more people. Educate more people. Help more people. But then I realized: I don't blog to educate, I blog to explore and learn. The people that I need to help are my family - the people I feed. If people pass through this space and pick up a little bit of passion about what they are putting in their bodies, then I think great. If no one reads this, or is effected by it, that is great too. I am doing my due diligence as a mother, wife, and friend to provide what I believe to be a healthy life to my kin. 

If you follow me on Instagram you have probably seen this coming. I have been on a local organic kick and I think everyone should join me! I don't want to be political or overly passionate, but I think it is important and something our generation should not take lightly.

Becoming a mother, and feeding my infant (now toddler) son is what brought a lot of this to light in me. Yes, years ago I read Skinny Bitch and - while I thought it was eye opening - I didn't stick with it.  When I started to think about what I was putting in my son's body, I knew it was my responsibility to give him the best. I also needed to be an example. So I blended and mashed and blended and mashed. He finally can chew stuff without his gag reflex kicking in and we get to try all sorts of fun foods. He often eats what we eat, and 90% of the time it is organic. 

I know he will experience Halloween candy, and Dairy Queen Blizzards, and Gatorade at sporting events, and I might even be the one who introduces him to these things. But the important this is  I am starting the foundation of a healthy life in a healthy home. I don't want to hyper-parent him into gorging and binging on sweets when he is at a friend's house, but I do want him to know what is and isn't good for him. I want him to be able to make good decisions for himself when I am not around. Educating him, and the rest of my family is my goal and duty.  

 

There is much to discuss on this topic - and I will for certain. But in the meanwhile, I encourage anyone who reads this to start thinking about what you are eating. If it turns out that processed, Genetically Modified Organisms are good for us, then I will happily eat crow and jump on the McDonalds bandwagon.

9 months and counting : Quinoa, Carrots & Broccoli

At Bear's recent 9 month visit our pediatrician said "He can eat anything now." He then corrected himself by saying not to feed him citrus, nuts or honey, but everything else is fair game. This made me feel a little braver when it comes to Bear's food now. I motivated me to be a little more creative than mixing a sweet potato puree with an apple puree. (This happens to be Bear's favorite). It also encouraged me to move away from cereal as the only "thickening" agent.

Last night he had quinoa, carrots and broccoli. No mush. Just regular ol' people food. He did great! I am so happy that we are braving some new flavors and new textures.

Ingredients

Quinoa
Organic whole carrots
Organic frozen broccoli

To make

• Wash and cook the organic carrots (leave the skins on for more nutrition). I baked my carrots for about 40 minutes at 400 degrees.
• Meanwhile rinse 1/2 cup quinoa then add to 1 cup of boiling water, Reduce heat to low and cover for about 20 minutes.
• Boil about 1/2 cup frozen broccoli until thawed, 5-8 mins
• Finely chop the veggies as to avoid a choking hazard. Mix with quinoa.
• If your little one still wants some much, add some organic apple sauce or pears.

This is easily tossed into a food processor for younger babies who still are on Level 2 food.

See! Easy peasy! It all works nicely together. This is also an easy way to incorporate healthy eating at the grown up table! This makes for a great side dish!

Health Benefits

Carrots - Full of Vitamin A. Good for eye health.
Broccoli - Vitamin A, C, Folic Acid, Calcium & Fiber. Broccoli is also labeled as a "cruciferous" veggie. This means it can lower one's cancer risks. Excellent!
Quinoa - Ah the "Super Food." Protein, Protein, Protein! (It is the perfect protein with all 9 essential amino acids), Iron, Fiber, Lysine, Magnesium, Riboflavin (B2), Manganese.

Standin' on the Corner....

... In Winslow, AZ. You know the song. But did you know Winslow has a festival, just for being mentioned in a song? Well, They do! My favorite neighbors have a mobile pizza oven and were signed up to be vendors for the Festival. And I signed up to help them! 

Thursday night after work, Bear and I jumped into Neighbor J's Ford and we headed off into the sunset to Winslow. We were headed for a weekend of pizza, madness and cooler weather. 

The two babes slept soundly in the backseat with me until we hit some silly potholes about an hour outside of our destination. Do you want to know a fun car activity? Sing "The Wheels on the Bus" over and over and over and over and over... It is the only song to calm my little guy. Little M wasn't soothed... or she was singing along... who's to know?

After a restless night of sleep in a new place, we were up with the sun and headed to set up the pizza oven. The babes stayed behind with Little M's grandma, Mrs. C., and they were SPOILED with toys! Bear has never seen so many colorful toys in his life! I knew he was in good hands. Our hosts are the kind of people that want to take care of you. That are happy to clean up your messes and happy to cook every meal and clean up the dog poop in the back bedroom that your dog may or may not have left for you to step in. I stepped in it. It went in between my toes. Mrs. C. wiped my foot off while I stood on one foot holding Bear all the while. They are the hosts that have lived in this teeny town their whole lives and can tell you the history and the gossip all in the same breath. I was in heaven.

The Festival was less than I expected, but we all know how I am with my expectations. There were not many vendors, but we lucked out by being stationed by the beer garden. What goes better with beer than pizza? There was live music playing most of the time and we had lots of repeat customers. It was fun getting to know the folks of this little town. Even the crazy lady who threatened me with "meeting [my] maker" because I wouldn't give her a piece of pizza. Tip: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar toots.

Joe slung dough, while Pat turned the pizza in the oven. Joe's sister was the prep gal and J and I worked the "front of the house" by taking orders and moola. We danced in the dirt to the music - interpretive dancing mostly, our backs hurt, there was literally blood, sweat and tears. (The tears came from the deliriously tired laughter late at night). I climbed fences with buckets full of pizza dough (Shout out to the hippies that helped me with that- we gave them a free pizza). My dear neighbors made a name for themselves, and I had one of the best weekends of my life.

Sunday morning we all sat in the living room of our gracious hosts and drank coffee, reminisced about the weekend. I hope that I will be invited to help them again next year! 

 

Follow Forno Legna Catering on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram : @fornolegnacater

Winterizing Wardrobes

Now that the days have been 100 degrees and under, for like 3 days straight, I realized it is time to start winterizing Bear's wardrobe. Also, we are going to visit my sister in Little Rock, which is about 30 degrees cooler there. 

I have Fridays off so Bear and I hit up H&M, which is a GREAT place for kids clothes. They have a section of organic pieces : 3 for $12. I can't buy second-hand clothes for that price! I generally have a rule about paying too much for his clothes that he won't wear in a month or two, so I love being able to find little fashion forward pieces for him.  

I bought these little mustard yellow jean at Baby GAP when Bear was just a few months old. I knew he wouldn't be needing jeans for a while because of our scalding summers, so I bough 6-12 months. I pulled them out a few weeks ago. As you can see, past the adorableness, they are squeezing his little baby belly a little too tightly. 

So, here's a tip: don't spend $24.99 on a pair of baby jeans. 

H&M has them now for $9.95 if you can find them in your wee one's size. I unfortunately could not, therefore, he now has blue pants.

But if you think that striped onsie is cute, well, that I got as part of the 3 for $12 deal! Major Score!

In need of distraction : Teething

My little guy is getting his first tooth! Bottom left! He hardly lets me look at it, but cannot stop me from sticking my finger in his mouth to feel it. As exciting (and frightening) as this time is for me, it's really hard on Bear. He whines most of the day, and wakes up 3 times during the night. 

Yesterday he woke up from his afternoon nap and nothing would make him happy. It broke my heart, and made me reflect his mood. I thought enough is enough! So Pat and I loaded the crying boy into his stroller and went to the park near our house.

As it was the first day of fall, and tempuratures were remarkably under 100 degrees, the park was swarming with children. Bear LOVES children. He loves to watch them, and interact when he can. His mood immediately changed for the better. I could still tell he was in pain, but he was distracted enough for a little fun.

We put him in the swings for the first time ever and I really think he enjoyed the first couple pushes! Then we put his little feeties in the sand! He wasn't so sure about that... But was intrigued.

After we left the park we gave Bear a bath and got him ready for bed. Another great form of distraction were his books. And he really loves books! He likes me to read them over and over and over. Then he tries to turn the pages... Which he is getting better at.

Today I bought Natural Orajel to try out. I hope it gives my little Bear some peace tonight. I hate to see him in any sort of pain or discomfort. And, as my dear father said, "All this AND the damned tooth will fall out and [I'll] have to pay a buck for it!"

 

Getting back to our roots

On Tuesday Pat cancelled our DirecTV. After a moment of OMFG that was a knee-jerk reaction, I was really happy he did it. (Um, hello? Sister Wives Season Finale is coming up!?!?!?) 

Now, I don't plan to be the hipster who says, "Nah man, we don't have cable," and then go home to stream stuff on Hulu+. I totally plan on having Hulu+ and enjoying every minute of it. But what streaming vs cable provides is a consciousness in my TV time. I am not going to sit in front of HGTV to watch another House Hunters just because it's on. I have spent far too many evenings wasted in front of 60" of garbage. 

Not to mention the commercials that are not child friendly. As an adult, I think they are pretty clever. As a parent I think they are totally inappropriate. Have you see the one where the little boy asks his mom how the baby got in her belly? Well, I don't think that should be presented by an insurance agency. Just sayin'.

Anyway, when Pat and I first moved in together, we didn't have cable. We didn't have a visible TV at all. We spent most of our nights on our teeny tiny back porch drinking wine, playing dominoes, and talked about things that really mattered. We were productive and in-tune with one another. 

I am looking forward to that again. We both know we function better as a couple without the boob tube working its way in as the third wheel. 

Now we can focus more on our family, our house and our hobbies. And, we are saving an additional $70 a month. I'm not going to scoff at that! 

Unoriginal creative

Growing up in small town Idaho, I would say I was the "creative" one in my group of friends. I was surrounded by cheerleaders, soccer players, stoners, Mormons, geniuses and preppy kids- if I were to classify them. Although we all dabbled in being poets, terrible, terrible poets, I was the one that took Art, Photography, Drama and Yearbook. I nearly did not graduate high school because I managed not to take Health and PE until my senior year! I was so late in the game, Health had to be taken online on the new fangled Blackboard so I could receive the credits in a condensed period of time. As for the Sciences, I took Astronomy when everyone else took Chemistry. I have no idea about the periodic chart, but ask me about Pleiades any day!

Because of my love for theater, I started college as a Drama Major, with the intent to be an awesome junior high Drama Teacher, inspired by my own. I realized after the first semester, I was not cut out for it. Being one of the best in my high school was peanuts on the university level. My confidence fizzled and I was onto the Graphic Design Major the next semester. I loved learning about type, and even taking Art 101. It isn't hard to excel in those courses, but when it came to my drawing class and painting class, again, my skills were soon dwarfed by my fellow students. Additionally, I was having a hard time keeping up with my classes due to a broken back & chronic migraines. Needless to say, I quit school and was unable to return once I started working full time.

I didn't realize it at the time, but by quitting school and removing myself from a creative space, I was creating a void in my life. It has taken a lot of life changes to realize what that void was, but there was always a sense of something missing.

Patrick has been a real force behind me finding my creative side again. There are so many things I have wanted to do, but I haven't had the gumption to start the projects. After seeing him go for the things he wants, I have decided to follow suit!

I have had an idea for years and years that I have wanted to do. It very much has to do with leather working, and once again, I feel like I am behind in the game. There are so many people that have already honed in on this craft and I am just starting out, and I feel like I have no one to teach me. I see what these creatives are doing and again, I feel unoriginal.

That's just the thing though. Growing up as the "creative" friend, I didn't have many people surpassing me. I am not saying I was the best, I was just a big enough fish in a very small pond. Once surrounded by great people, I start to feel like a guppy. My fellow bloggers are better bloggers, my Pinterest and Tumblr inspirations are far superior in their craft than I am.

But, that is just today. I am working hard to take what inspiration I get from them to create my own original ideas. I am working at being a better self starter and better creative example for my son. I will not be discouraged because I am behind right now. There is so much time to be a leader, a though provoker, and an inspiration. I hope to be all of these things - especially in my  son's eyes.

Our new routine: morning snuggles

It's my new favorite thing to do for many reasons.

1. I'm generally still tired and laying down for a few extra minutes is glorious!

2. Bear is still in a calm mode and he lets me snuggle... At least for a bit. 

3. The last 7 months have flown by. I need to soak up every second I can with him.

And look how adorable he is in the morning!

Making Baby Food: Pears

Last night, between Pat snoring, Lou Dog snoring, Cricket being a cat and Bear grunting in his sleep, this mama only got about 4 hours of constant sleep. So, what better thing to do in the morning during Bear's morning nap? Nap myself? No. Ain't nobody got time for that! 

I started making this week's baby food. People think I am nuts, but I think making it myself is 1.) more cost effective and 2.) I have control of everything that goes into my pure little baby's body. 

So far he is eating oatmeal cereal, sweet potatoes, avocados, bananas (which he doesn't like much), pears, apples, and prunes. The prunes are actually store bought because we needed them ASAP! I think the apples and bananas backed my little guy up. No one is pleasant if they haven't pooed for a few days... especially babies! Prunes are magic folks. They work for the olds, and they work for the beebs. We used Plum.

We are making sure to follow the rules of the Dirty Dozen, which most first solids fall into. I just can't imagine Bear's little body fighting all the pesticides and junk that is found in our foods these days. I know that there are MANY organic choices for pre-made baby food, but there are always other ingredients, like citric acid. I know this is a preservative, a natural one at that, but babies aren't supposed to have citrus for a year or so. Yikes! I also don't know how many hands, processors, conveyor belts this stuff has been on. This is where food poisoning comes from people!!! 

And let's talk about cost here too. I bought two, 2 lb bags of organic pears at Trader Joe's for about $6. This is about 20 servings of pears. TWENTY! Do you know how much 20 servings cost in store bought baby food? From my research, we are saving about 50% here. 

So, for a gal that feels like her life is a little hectic and out of control, it is nice to have control of this. Even if it means I sacrifice a nap or two along the way. 

Ingredients:

Organic Pears (I have about 3 lbs, purchased from Trader Joes)

Tools:

Knife

Cutting Board

Vegetable Peeler

Blender

Ice Cube Tray

Step 1:

Wash pears with warm water. Warm water will help soften the peels as well as get rid of any junk that has collected during shipment. - I would love to pick all this stuff from an organic farm!

Step 2:

Peel and core the pears.

Step 3: 

Chop the pears into 1" cubes

Step 4:

Toss into blender and blend to desired consistency. Careful, pears liquefy fast!!! 

Step 5:

Pour pears into ice tray and freeze.

Each cube is supposed to be one serving. Bear eats about two.

Step 6:

Put cubes into Freezer bags and label with the date. The frozen goods should keep for about 3 months. 

To serve, let pears thaw in the fridge overnight, or place in a container and place the container a warm bath. 

6 months

January 9th, 2013 - It seems as though this first photograph taken of Bear was a million years ago, but I remember it all like it was yesterday. 

 When we were leaving the hospital, the head rest didn't hold his teeny head in place and his little newborn sized outfit was still too big. I can't believe he was ever that small!

This was Bear's first trip to the Dr. office. He was 5 days old. Looking so tough.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

The amount of laundry increased immediately upon bringing our guy home. The blow outs that happened on a daily basis had us opting for a naked baby most the time, but I love folding tiny things. 

One month old and still looking like a little cranky old man. He still had his hair he was born with, which all fell out shortly following. He had terrible baby acne because I was using Lanolin after nursing. Once I stopped, the baby acne disappeared.

I didn't know this snuggling would stop, I miss it so much. And I sweat, Bear knows when I need it because just this morning he was laying his little head on my chest for minutes at a time.

First shots. Heart breaking. But at least he got fun bandaids...

Out for walks with his Papa

Looking sharp for Easter Dinner at Great Grandma's house.

Second set of shots. Still heart breaking, but we didn't cry for nearly as long. Yes, we.

 

Hanging in Sedona at Slide Rock

 

Stylin' by the swimming pool.

My first Mother's Day

Becoming a fan of tummy time.

His first trip to the Phoenix Art Museum.

His first Independence Day and a trip to Willow Springs Lake.

This has been the longest and shortest 6 months of my life. I can't believe how quickly my little man is growing. How much he is learning every day. From him rolling over, to starting to recognize me when I pick him up from day care. He acknowledges me by excitedly touching my face (really more of a slap/pinch sort of thing, but I don't mind, I am equally excited to see him).

He is now sleeping without his swaddle and for about 8 hours straight (for the first stretch of the night). He is eating cereal, avocado, bananas and sweet potatoes and his says "nummmm mmmm mmm" as he swallows each bite. 

Our family and our lives are changed forever. It will never again be just me and Pat. But I could never again imagine a life without Bear. 

It's true, being a mother changes you.