Digging this Jam

Until it is over played on the radio I am sure...

1 in 4...

On March 27th we found out that we were going to have a baby... Little baby Haire. We were so excited! So ready. We started preparing ourselves and our house for our child. We only told our families as our doctor instructed because after our first ultrasound there would only be a 5% chance of miscarriage. Then we could tell everyone.

The day before that day, the day we were going to be sure there was only a 5% chance would wouldn't meet our little one, the Monday after Easter, I woke up feeling off. I laid in bed longer than I should have and fortunately Pat came home on his break to find me in bed, concerned. I had gone to the bathroom and there was spottiing... then came the cramping. He reacted as a concerned husband and would be father should. He called the doctor immediately. He had to get back to his route, so me and baby were on our own.

We went to the doctor in a matter of minutes. The doctor said he thought everything was okay but wanted to move the ultrasound up and see if we could hear the heartbeat that day. He also gave me a RhoGAM shot as I am B-.  As luck would have it I wasn't able to have the ultrasound onsite because of some shitty insurance issue. And so, I came home and sat, festering for 3 hours. Trying to distract myself, trying not to imagine the very worst. But it was no use. 1:30 pm could not come soon enough.

I arrived at the new, strange facility for the ultrasound. The front desk girls were not warm like the ones at my doctor and immediately I was sure something was wrong. I went into the dark cold room where the tech was training someone on the new machine. They talked tech the entire time knowing what they were looking at but leaving me to swim in my negative thoughts. I have seen enough movies to know when I should be hearing the heart beat, the heartbeat that is supposed to beat twice as fast of my own.

Pat was on his route thinking of me and the baby. We aren't a religious couple, but in times of need Pat talks to his grandfather who passed away 2 years ago. He didn't hear anything back, not a feeling or thought came to him. He came to the next intersection where someone had scrawled out "I love you"  in chalk across it. Then he knew. It seemed our hearts broke simultaneously.

We lost the baby.

This is undoubtedly the most terrible thing that has ever happened to us. These past two weeks I have been trying to search my soul for strength, guidance, and direction. I still have not found them, if I am being honest, nothing but distraction has helped me.

For the entire life of this blog I wanted it to be a fun place, with happy tales and love stories, but I wanted to share this story because I had no idea that something like this would ever happen to Pat and me. We did everything right. I stopped drinking coffee and eating lunch meat, resting when my body required it. I was taking prenatal vitamins a month prior to conception. But still it happened. It happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies. I was not prepared for a miscarriage.

1 in 4 pregnancies.

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade. Pregnancy is a wonderful and exciting time! And I truly pray that no one goes through what Pat and I have gone through. I just hope this helps someone that may go through a similar tragedy. I just wish someone had prepared me that the loss was more probable than I ever knew.

The physical pain of losing the baby was more than I expected. "Just a normal to heavy period," the doctor said. The 2 am contractions were so painful I found myself screaming out, trying to put my body into a position that would release some pressure. Nothing helped, all I could do was meditate and wait for the pain to stop.

The emotional pain and literal emptiness... feels endless.

Now Pat and I are growing, supporting each other and hopeful for the future and our future family. But, we will always remember our "Baby B."

How does your garden grow?

When I was 13 or 14 my mom and step-dad bought an old farm house that had an acre or two of land behind it. My mother, having a green thumb, planted a HUGE garden. There was corn, various kinds of squash, tomatoes, and all sorts or fun things. I never helped her with the garden because I thought I had more important things to do... like talk on the phone, or drive my sweet Blazer around town. That was back when gas was a whooping $1.14 a gallon. Remember the days? I digress. Looking back now, I wish I would have helped my mom in the garden. Not only because it would have been the nice thing to do, but because I have this new fascination with gardening. I blame it on my neighbors, and the Fabulous Beekman Boys. 
But really, ever since I moved to Arizona, I dreamed of having a garden. First I lived in an apartment, so I had flower pots that dried up and shriveled in a rapid fashion. Later I moved in with Mr. P. Funk into his town house. We had little pots full of basil and mint. The mint died, but the basil thrived.
Finally when we purchased this home, I had room for a garden. We have lived here for about a year and a half and the Mr. built me my garden last week!
It was my job to move the rocks out of the way for the raised bed. I didn't realize that that was some pretty frickin' hard labor.

I filled the pictured wheel barrel 3 times! Then neighbor Joe filled it a few times as well! Thank God he came to assist. I ran out of steam fast!
While I was shoveling mini boulders, Pat was in his garage workshop building the raised bed. He has some mad skills if you ask me!

The guys later filled the raised bed with the smelliest soil in the world. Be grateful Willy Wonka didn't invent Smell-o-Vision.

The next morning, Pat and I woke up at the crack of dawn, as good farmers do, and got straight to seedin' the garden. Pat acted as the "hole" digger and I counted the tiny seeds with my nimble fingers.

Now we play the waiting game for the little sprouts to peak there leaves out. 10 -12 days the seed packets claim. After they are a few inches tall we will have to do some thinning of the "crops" so we won't have sexin' carrots or radishes.
This summer we planted Basil, Green Onions, Tomatoes, Carrots, Radishes, and Peas! I can't wait to see if our little garden produces! Growing my own food always seems to motivate me to cook fun tasty meals.

Postino East Opens! : Dinner

It has been nearly a year that we have been waiting for Postino East to open. It truly felt like an eternity though. The long drives to Phoenix for our favorite restaurant are now a thing of the past! Rather than going to Postino East on the official opening day, we decided to go on Thursday. We thought it might be a little calmer. Well, we didn't really think that. It is just when it fit into our schedule.
Finally we have arrived to the best place on Earth! Postino East! And, yes, we took my sweet ride Vanda.

We were aware there was going to be a wait, given that it was opening week. After we put our name in we found a pretty sweet spot past the lawn, with a great view of everything that was about to happen to us lucky souls!

 

We also had a great view of the Gilbert Water Tower, which I think is definitely an East Valley gem.

We had an awesome server bring out the wine/beer list as well as a menu to look over while we were waiting. Sitting where we were felt like we were just hanging out in our back yard with good people watching.

We didn't know if the server was going to come back, so the dudes went up to the outdoor bar and ordered us some drinks. Avery delivered our wine as a nice brother-in-law would. I had the Zin and Chantele and the Red Blend. (I won)
I was such a beautiful night! We didn't mind the hour long wait at all! Once we were seated, my sister and I had to use the loo. The unisex loo that is! So, while you are waiting here is a little poster for your viewing
pleasure.

 And the toilet paper is awesome. And I always want to steal a roll, but I don't. Karma is my friend!

Here is our little AZ family. It was really a perfect night for hanging at this dope joint all night. It took us about 3 hours to get home from our Postino excursion, but it was worth every minute!

 

Saint Patrick's Day : A Goat Cheese Bust

The Mr. and his friends were golfing all day, and I mean all day! They had 36 holes to get to before the Phoenix "winter storm" came rolling in so, I laid in bed until 8:30 am.

Lou Lou pretending to be me

Then I watched gymnastics until noon (avid fan). Shortly after my preferred programming was over I received a call from the Mr. saying he was on his way with a breakfast burrito (sweet), a quick break between golf games. Cripes! I haven't got a thing done! Jump in the shower so he thinks I have been semi-productive! I thought to myself.
After chumming with the dudes for a bit, they were on there way back to another course and I got back to business... Time to get ready for the day!
Some hair days are much better than others. I think any female can agree. Fortunately, today was one of the good days. Great day really!

I don't own a lot of green and on days such as St. Paddy's day this can really put me in a "pinch." (See what I did there?) Green clothes bring out the red in my skin. But, as luck would have it, I did receive this gorgeous Yellow Turquoise necklace from my mother for Christmas a few years ago. It is a staple piece for me. A little ZING in my bor-rang wardrobe. I decided to sport a green manicure too!

I am no hand model like my sister

After my super sweet manicure was done... it was time for an afternoon cocktail with my dear friend and good neighbor, Yurki. We jumped in her EXTRA large jeep and headed to Gordon Biersch. It not being an Irish Pub we were sure it wouldn't be packed. We found a seat right away and ordered two Marzens!

Because we are not avid beer drinkers (though we are trying to be) it took us about an hour to finish these bad boys, along with our garlic fries. As always, the people watching was great! We also decided over our beers we were going to make green goat cheese for the pizzas to be had later.

I had Yurki take pictures with a real camera so I could provide an awesome tutorial later this week. (I won't be doing that now.)While the cheese was hanging out, we started in on our green "Snakebites" (Harp and Cider and food dye).

So, as the title of this blog implied, 2 hours later, when the cheese should have been plenty ready, we untied it in hopes to start eating the gloriousness that is homemade goat cheese. But, all we had was a cheese-cloth balloon full of room temperature whey. I cursed under my breath and dumped out all the green whey/warm milk. *double-sigh* I am not really sure where we went wrong, but I must persevere and try again!

This cheese debacle was nothing several slices of delicious pizza and green Snakebites couldn't fix. We even talked Joe into making a pizza with green crust!

I hope you were able to enjoy your Saint Patrick's day! With or without green beers and green goat cheese.

I saved that weed for you

Recently I read an article on Yahoo! about “The 9 Secrets of Happy Couples” and one of the 9 points was about spending time together. Pat and I definitely do that, even if it means doing chores together. Last weekend we conquered the back yard. We fertilized the queen palm trees, re-planted the agave, mowed the yard and then we started weeding. Pat followed me with a little garbage can while I pulled the weeds. Then he jumped in and started pulling them too! We got to the northwest section of the pool were there were a plethora of dandelion like weeds. Pat turned around to me and said "I saved that weed for you. I knew you would want to pull it." It was the biggest weed of them all! Damn right I want to pull it and he knew that!
Is it a married couple thing that we find such happiness in chores? Or, is it a healthy couple thing? Regardless, I am thrilled to know that even when we aren't having fun out on the town, we are still able to enjoy each other and find the little things to make each other happy. Like saving the biggest weed! Or waiting at the door when the other arrives home from work. (Confession: I have been slacking on that lately, but am realizing the error of my ways).

Girl, you salty

Another newly wed happening happened tonight. Now usually I think I am a good-enough cook, but recently my cooking has been garbage! Garbage I tell you! Tonight was no exception.
It was my intent to make a left over bratwurst, broccoli and quinoa with curry dish. Sounds pretty amazing right? And how good of me to be using left overs, right? Right.

Well, if you have ever made quinoa you know you should cook it in a stock of some sort, so I did... But I doubled up on the bouillon cubes because they were borrowed cubes and I did not have the box to tell me the water to bouillon cube ratio. And, again, if you have cooked quinoa before, you don't taste it till it is done cooking and the germ has come out.

So, unknowingly I dished my seemingly delicious dish and to the dining table we went. First bite I said "geeze, that is a little salty." Another few bites and I felt like the first time I went to the ocean and was pummeled by waves. Gag reflex set in and dinner was done for me. Pat, being the sweet husband he is, told me it was really good and finished his. This was saltier than two Ramen Noodle packets in one pack of noodles. Torture nearly. And this coming from a girl who claims to love salt and has a serious addiction to sunflower seeds.

I boiled an egg for dinner and I didn't even have to salt it, salt still very prevalent in my system.

I do, however, think this could be a delish meal if made properly. Stay tuned and I will let you know.